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Great Revenge Ideas from Fellow Dads

One day I found a pair of Channelock pliers when I raked up some composted leaves in the front yard. The joint was welded absolutely solid by rust so that the handles could not be budged! I made a wall plaque for my dad by mounting them to the face of a piece of maple. Underneath was an inscription; “Now my son has sons! Happy Father’s Day!
~Doug”

Personally I can’t wait to leave my old shoes and pool towels in his car when I visit. Let him explain it to his boss if something squeaks or is sticky.
~Kirk

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The Revenge of the Dad

Hey Dad,
I just had to write while the iron is hot. It’s therapeutic for me to blab to 10,000 dads that my children are—how do I say this gently? *PIGS!!!!* Our children do chores, and they have responsibilities. We train them, we dole out consequences when they don’t do a job well, we work on specifics, and still, they’re PIGS!!!

The mess that nine people can create is overwhelming at times. We can work all day cleaning up one area, and then, whal-la, like magic, it’s trashed again within about 13 minutes.

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Top 10 Things to Keep from Saying the Wrong Thing to Your Wife

  1. Carry a small pop-rivet gun in your pocket. If the need arises, rivet your lips together.
  2. Carry a large hammer in your pocket. If the need arises, knock yourself out with the hammer.
  3. Practice image reinforcement. When your wife begins talking, picture yourself chained to a doghouse for a whole week.
  4. Plan for the future. Make an appointment today to have your tongue surgically removed.
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You know it’s hot when…

  1. You’ve been getting hot flashes, and you’re a man.
  2. You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather.
  3. Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.
  4. You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
  5. The swans in the park come in “original recipe” and “extra crispy.”
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Top 10 Ways to know it’s time for a new car

  1. The rear defogger broke, so pushing it in winter makes for cold hands.
  2. The french fries, burger wrappers and paper cups no longer keep out the water when it rains.
  3. The city asks you to sell it or either apply for recognition as a historical landmark.
  4. Someone asks you the color of your car and you cannot remember.
  5. You avoid neighborhoods with posted noise ordinances.
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Phrases from a Man’s Thesaurus

  1. “IT’S A GUY THING”

    Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
  2. “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”

    Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
  3. “UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”

    Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
  4. “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”

    Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
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