Top 10 Things to Keep from Saying the Wrong Thing to Your Wife

Carry a small pop-rivet gun in your pocket. If the need arises, rivet your lips together.
Carry a large hammer in your pocket. If the need arises, knock yourself out with the hammer.
Practice image reinforcement. When your wife begins talking, picture yourself chained to a doghouse for a whole week.
Plan for the future. Make an appointment today to have your tongue surgically removed.

When your wife begins talking, excuse yourself for a moment and then quickly send out a group email to your men’s small group so they can pray like crazy.
As your wife begins talking, remove your belt, loop it over your head and chin, and fasten it securely.
Learn Swahili. That way if you do talk, your wife won’t understand all the dumb things you may say.
Become a monk and take a vow of perpetual silence.
Without your wife knowing it, carefully place a sticky-note on her forehead that reads, “Don’t say anything.”
If you do inadvertently say something, hand your wife the hammer that you carry in your pocket and let her knock you out.

Signup for the "Familyman Weekly"