This Widowed Homeschooling Mom Needs some Encouragement
Hey Mr. Homeschooling Dad,
Read this email from recently widowed, Carol Smith. She was in the process of bringing two adopted children from the Ukraine when her husband died suddenly. She needs your help.
Todd,
I’ve been thinking about your question to me. One of the things that is causing me the biggest challenge is that I’ll have 7 children (ages 12-17) who all still want to be homeschooled. Yes, there’s the obvious financial challenge of everything, but (being real here,) how am I going to homeschool all these kids as a widow/single Mom? Is it even possible?
Todd, I’ll be honest in telling you that none of my original 5 kids are on track to graduate early from high school or anything spectacular like that. Truthfully, we’re just an ordinary homeschool family with normal kids. I’ve got one child who reads so many books she has actually found errors in history books to another child who detests any form of academics whatsoever and struggles with even basic math and sentence construction.
But now I’ve got two newly adopted kids from Ukraine (Jacob;16, Justine; 17) who need intensive help with English and possibly other subjects. Jacob speaks a good amount of English and reads some, but Justine knows very little of the language. And both have very high emotional and psychological needs right now—before Jim passed away. His sudden death has only further complicated the issues.
I’m going to need to work part-time, but I’m hoping for something I can do from home. The last thing my kids need right now is for me to leave them alone for 25 hours a week. They are afraid every time I leave the house. Jim was at home with our kids with a cast and crutches on when the event occurred and the ambulance was called. Now my kids are afraid when I leave the house that I may not come back and they’ll have no parents. Plus, Jacob and Justine have spent most of their lives in an orphanage and need me to be fully present for them as they learn about our culture, language, and what it means to be in a family.
In light of all that, I guess my biggest questions are about homeschooling as a single Mom of a large family and about finding work I could do from the home. Do you think any of your readers would have any good advice for me? Maybe there’s a few good blogs that might be helpful for someone in my position?
Thank you, Todd. I greatly appreciate your prayers and listening ear.
Blessings,
Carol
There you go, Dad. What bit of familyman advice would you offer this hurting mom?
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First, my heart aches for this family. I am so sorry for your loss. Second – please take a look at arise.com. Arise runs a “virtual contact center” that allows you to work from home as a phone representative for client companies. There are some up front costs in how they work with you, but it might be a very viable solution and ultimately allow you to work more hours.
Carol,
I have no words of advice and I can not even begin to offer anything other than, I am so sorry for your loss. Our family will be praying for yours and asking God to show Himself in a big way to your entire family.
First of all you are an amazing mom women of Christ! You have 5 kids of your own to care for an you were willing to take in 2 more older children from another country which has its share of problems like you mentioned. But God will see that you are blessed I’m sure of it!
Second, I have a great opportunity for you to work from home doing the same thing that I do – helping people get fit & healthy as a health & fitness coach! You don’t need to be in shape yourself as you can get paid just sharing your own journey and helping others do the same! I run Fitness Challenge Groups on line providing meal plans, recipes, shopping lists, motivation, support, accountability, and a private group of others that want to improve their health & fitness as well as work on their mindset and inner self!!!
It’s been really great for me as I make my own hours and work around my family’s schedule!
Interested in learning more? Message me either on my Facebook page http://www.fb.con/Julia.Badala or email me at JuliaSingsFit@gmail.com
My like page where I share health & fitness tips, recipes, motivation and more is http://www.fb.com/HealthyFitSexyYou
First of all you are an amazing mom women of Christ! You have 5 kids of your own to care for an you were willing to take in 2 more older children from another country which has its share of problems like you mentioned. But God will see that you are blessed I’m sure of it!
Second, I have a great opportunity for you to work from home doing the same thing that I do – helping people get fit & healthy as a health & fitness coach! You don’t need to be in shape yourself as you can get paid just sharing your own journey and helping others do the same! I run Fitness Challenge Groups on line providing meal plans, recipes, shopping lists, motivation, support, accountability, and a private group of others that want to improve their health & fitness as well as work on their mindset and inner self!!!
It’s been really great for me as I make my own hours and work around my family’s schedule!
My story – Getting in shape will help you live life to the fullest as you’ll have higher energy levels, get more positive, feel stronger and more confident! I was 200 LBS when I started my weight loss journey. Doctor said that I was overweight, borderline diabetic, and had high cholesterol. I was tired, over weight, and ready for a change. Once I started doing my fitness program and changing the way I ate by following treating plan I started to shed weight and made a change! Through my journey I’ve lost 30lbs and many inches! I also helped my husband loose 30lbs and my son loose 20lbs! My helping myself helped my whole family! I’m still on my journey!
Interested in learning more? Message me either on my Facebook page http://www.fb.con/Julia.Badala or email me at JuliaSingsFit@gmail.com
My like page where I share health & fitness tips, recipes, motivation and more is http://www.fb.com/HealthyFitSexyYou
Hi Carol, I spoke to Todd Wilson recently at our IAHE conference. He had met another widow on another day there too. I was questioning him about who to be a Male role model for my 2 boys. My husband died almost 5 months ago. My alternate income of course is also needing to be found.
I am on my knees asking the Lord what I have time for and what is in His best interests as well as my families too. My church and homeschool co-op has been helping us out with expenses in the meantime. I only have 2 boys whereas you have more. I will type in another widows blog that I read recently.
http://www.foycwidowwidowers.org
http://www.nathhan.com
Here is an excellent resource too:
http://a2zhomeschooling.com/concerns_homeschooling/working_single_parent_homeschooling/
I also know of Mary-Jo Tate who started her own business whilst home-schooling 4 boys: Here is a link to her website too. My sincere condolences on the loss of your husband and friend and Dad to your children.
sincerely Mrs. Knight
http://flourishathome.com/about/
http://www.homeschoolfoundation.org/
I’m so sorry! Our family will be praying for you all. If you have a church family, I would encourage going to them. This is what the Bible says religion is (taking care of the widowed). Be real, truthful, and ask them to come along you to raise these children together as a church family. This would be a great time of spiritual growth for them as well. Please keep the Familyman updated with amazing provision God brings your way. I’m confident our God can handle this!
Oops! Meant to add: HSLDA, through the Home School Foundation, is a resource for just this sort of need. Link is below.
Many blessings.
http://www.homeschoolfoundation.org/
Carol,
I am so sorry for your loss. I admire your strength and courage as you go through these very difficult times. We don’t know why these things happen, but we do know that we need to trust in God. By trusting in God, not only will we survive but flourish. Pray daily with your children and don’t hesitate to ask for assistance (school, church, friends, family). People want to help, they simply don’t know how to help in these difficult situations. Our prayers are with you and your family.
Carol,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife to cancer many years ago and was left with four young children to raise by myself; I sympathize with your loss as well as the very practical issues of how to continue homeschooling and pay all the bills. I would just echo some of the comments made above by Armando – this is one of those extraordinary circumstances where you just can’t do it all alone, and no one expects you to, and there are many people who would love to bless you by helping you in some way if you will ask for help and tell them what you need. I hope you have close friends and relatives who you can rely on; I hope your church community is helping. I pray that you will have wisdom about who and how to ask and that God will prepare those people for this task. You are not alone. God loves you and your children very much, and He will show you that in big and small ways in the days to come.
Im sorry for the loss of your love one. Are u continuing with your adoption? If yes, there are programs through school and college that can help them with their english. I have a deaf frined, she adopted 2 kids. A deaf girl and a hearing boy from russia. They both are brother and sister. Knowing no sign and only russian language, they went through a program to help with their english. And their new mom taught them sign language. Their adoptive dad left them so the single mom was left to care for them. She doesnt homeschool. But as a single mom she was able to help them thrive. You can too. Nothing wrong with asking for outside help with their education to learn english. You just do what you can do. Jehovah doesnt expect us all to be a miracle worker. He gives us what we can handle. Revelation 21:3,4. May you find comfort in these vereses. May Jah be with you.
I could not imagine the turmoil this mom is experiencing, my heart breaks for this family. I don’t have any eloquent words of wisdom, I can only offer prayers. We are a home school family and it is hard to do it with two involved parents, I pray this lady finds the comfort and help that she needs.
I know I will get judged for posting this, thus the reason for making my post anonymous. But only those who have been there truly understand this. Adoption can be a dark and lonely road when there are struggles. Sure, most of the adoptions you “hear” about are glorious and beautiful. But the ones you don’t hear about are the ones that have about knocked parents off their feet, ones that have been a long dark valley of struggle. Adoption is not easy, it can be downright ridiculously hard. So I just want to say… If you don’t feel like you can carry the load of your two adopted children, don’t feel bad or guilty if you need to let your agency know that you’d like to look into finding a new family for them. There are tons of people who are willing to adopt but couldn’t do the international road. Now that they are home, they could be legally adopted by another family. You would get to pick that family and be a part of the process. I’m not saying you should do this, but if you have to, don’t feel guilty or sinful. It may have been exactly God’s will that you and your husband would bring them home and be the stepping stone for them to go into the family God has for them. Please don’t be offended by this comment, I’m so sorry if it’s something you’d never even consider. Ignore this comment completely if it’s not even on your radar!!! I’m just mentioning an option that I know I personally would be considering. Prayers for you sweet Mom!
dear Carol, I’m a widowed homeschool mom of 4 children. (1 girl, three boys) My husband passed away unexpectedly 1.5 years ago. Do you know the blog widowschristianplace.com? There are also fb groups from this site that I am on myself. Lifeboat it’s called. On fb you can contact Ferree Hardy and she can add you to the fb group.
As for your kids being scared, this makes so much sense,my kids had that as well and sometimes still do. It did get better though. Hang in there, one babystep at a time.
I hope to see you online soon, my heart aches with yours.
You can do it! I can’t fathom the heartache and fear of losing your husband and being left with 7 children. My first question is, did your husband have life insurance? If so, If it is a fair amount, so the advice of a trusted, reputable financial advisor and get it invested. A “go fund me” account would be my next suggestion. I would donate and share the link with everyone I know. If you are a member of a church, share your struggles with the leadership and the ladies. They may be able to help in innumerable ways. Good bless you. We will pray for you.
Hello Carol,
I am so sorry for your loss. My wife and I are not yet parents, but we’re planning to have a mix of bio and adopted kids ourselves as we get ready to expand our family starting in the next couple of years.
I’m an accountant, so my advice is in your numbers. Write down all your spending, especially cash. Things are going to be tight, and that’s going to require you to be creative in figuring out ways to earn money while being available for your children. Your expenses are going to be most easy to trim when you know what they are. If you money just disappears into the abyss, you won’t be able to reign it in. Writing it down may be discouraging because it will seem like there are so many bills, but you will figure out a way to get on top of this.
I love the other ideas on here for side income. We are fortunate to live in an age where entrepreneurship and side jobs are so encouraged and available. One of my closest friends, a divorced single mom in my church had four bio kids, and has since adopted one more long after her husband left. She’s a nurse and takes care of medically fragile children in her home right alongside her other kids. Desperate situations require you to get creative.
I am sure there is much healing going to need to come. I work for a company called Saladmaster. I would suggest checking on the website saladmaster.com and finding if there is a local dealership in the area. Once you learn the program it is something your whole family could come together and do. The schedule is flexible enough to accommodate home school. This is how I support my family and I get to spend lots of time with my family while I do it. It is not easy but the rewards are there and I believe it might help.
Hi Carol,
Don’t loose hope! I am a mom of 10 kids (8 adopted from Eastern Europe) ranging in age from 4-16. My advice would be to get through the next few months with the basics, focus on bonding/healing over the summer, and enlist the help of a few people in your network of friends that can help on a regular basis. You want and need stability and help for your kids. A few things that could make getting the basics in helpful. We started all our kids on multiplication skills then moved them into Teaching textbooks. Our kids can work independently on math at all levels which allows me to float and be available for extra help if needed. For English we use Lexia Reading Rosetta stone. Also on the computer. Easy to use and easy to track. Read aloud from the bible and good stories we especially like Sunlight 3rd grade history but in general really like Abeka history and science. If you are only needing part time income maybe you could turn extra clothes into a PT eBay business or watch someone else children after school. Turn your need to be home into some kind of business. Our kids were fluent in 3 months, so the language barrier shouldn’t be an issue for long, then you can get some real schooling done. When kids first come home, they need intensive parenting and love… everything falls into a rhythm with time, but maybe you just need some financial help for a few months, and make your focus loving and parenting your kids, then make a goal of starting school again over the summer. Adopted kids have their own path and have a lot of time to make up for, so relax, love, heal, grieve find your strength and security in the Lord. Then stand up and get to the work God has called you to. You were made for this.
Carol, I am so sorry for your loss. I would suggest you simplify the rest of the school year by focusing on just the basics – remember in middle school there is a lot of redundancy in math and grammar – so maybe just encourage reading and writing – and keep math skills at a basic level – ( a lot of stuff at this age will be repeated again next year). The older children – well- educational TV or videos may be helpful (and help them learn English). The 5 bio kids can play games and teach the older ones English, and how we do math, ect. Developing a trusting, loving relationship is paramount to all other priorities. Formal education may have to take a back seat for awhile – It is amazing how much children/teens can learn “in bits and pieces” as life permits. Just remember “nothing can separate us from the love of God” (paraphrased from Romans 8:27-28).
Can you give us a link for donations? I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who would be interested…
I have no idea how much your heart must be hurting right now. And I can’t imagine the effort it takes just to get out of bed and do the next most important thing. But I am praying right now that God would bless you, and your children in ways that meet your needs. Every day.
This may be something you’ve already thought of having 5 kids already, but I do it, so I thought I’d share… In my area there’s a grocery supplier, and I go in and buy my carrots, potatoes, onions, and sometimes cabbages in 50 lb. bags or boxes. I buy a 40 lb. box of bananas and a box of apples. I let my friends know how much 1/10th share would cost with a tiny markup for gas and convenience (less than they’d pay at the grocery store), and sometimes they buy a share. Sometimes I sell half, and make enough to significantly reduce our grocery bill. And somehow, I always feel better when there are at least those staples in the house. And they store well at room temperatures.
I’d say pray together, work together, etc. Anywhere that the older kids can help (like with tracking expenses like the accountant suggested) that keeps your family together, is worth it. Also, some companies offer free college tuition for anybody who works at least 20 hours a week. That might benefit you or any of your kids who can drive.
I don’t know why this is the battle you’re having to fight, but I know you don’t have to fight it alone.
I’ve been thinking about your situation all day, Carol, and I’m confident that you have been close to the heart of our Father for MONTHS. Matthew 10:31 is our assurance that God has His eye on you and your entire “flock” and considers you very valuable. Whatever you feel HIM leading you to do is the way to go. He will prove Himself faithful for you and your family during the upcoming months. One book that I found very healing when I experienced a season of loss was “The Horse and His Boy” by C.S. Lewis. It was important for me to read it aloud with my children, because I wanted to process the grieving process WITH them…. there is a part where one of the characters receives a hurtful wound and at the end Aslan explains why… I was bawling as I read this to our kids, but we all needed the analogy TOGETHER.
One thing that strikes me as beneficial in your situation is the ages of your kids. It may seem difficult, that many teens in one home, BUT if you can harness their energy and look for work that you can do together, you have an amazing team. My mind goes to yardwork. The kids and I help my handyman husband when he does lawns for widow ladies in our community and he can get WAY more done when we all tag along. If you have ANY connections in the real estate business, they are often looking for a reliable team to keep up houses that are on the market, outside AND inside, and with a team of eight hard workers and a flexible schedule, you might be in great demand in a very short time. That is just my two cents’ worth.
God is going to do incredible things with your story. He already has. Look at how many people are pulling for you in what seems to be an impossible situation. And do take time to mourn. Put “school” on the back burner. Do art. It is cathartic. Take nature walks. Make a “dad” suitcase (where you all put different meaningful items into a suitcase — things that remind you of what kind of man he was, and what was special to him, pictures or small momentos — I saw this idea in a magazine article once, but cannot find the source at this moment). Listen to his favorite music. Do whatever seems helpful, within reason, and keep the kids with you, processing together, finding your “new normal” even though you don’t want to. I will be praying for you, Carol, as the Lord brings you to mind. Keep serving HIM with the STRENGTH that only HE can provide.
Dear Carol,
My deepest sympathies for you and your dear children’s loss! My heart breaks for you all during this very difficult time! Please know that God is in control, even if it may seem otherwise and He loves you all so very much! Being a mother to 7 myself, I have wondered what I would do if I lost my husband. I am afraid that I don’t have many suggestions finacially. I would suggest keep very close records of every dollar spent and perhaps consider eliminating unnecessary expenses ie. cable, fast food, extra travel. You may have already done these with the decision to homeschool. Pray by yourself and with your children everyday. Focus more on healing and family security and trust in God’s provision! Educational games may be a good thing right now, just spending time together. If one of you need some alone time that is okay too, everyone deals with loss a little differently. Field trips or nature hikes may also help things to flow. Don’t stress yourself or the kids out with intensive study right now during this adjustment period. Love each other. Hold each other. It is okay. Seek out those who will support you: church family and friends, homeschool support group or coop, social media. Be specific if you need help with something. There may be somebody that would love to bless you and your family but unsure what you need or need help with. With the new kiddos coming maybe shift schooling to focus on language, they learn yours and you learn theirs, and cultural differences too. If the kids are more comfortable just continuing with whatever your “normal” school was you could do that too. Ask them. For fall you might consider the library, coop library, friends that might loan out curriculum, free stuff from the internet, Pinterest, just as a few options, but first seek the Lord’s guidance in any kind of plan changes! If you were nearby I would tell ya’ll to come on over and have dinner, but I can only offer you my prayers and suggestions I hope that helps! May God wrap you in His loving arms and give you wisdom in your decisions. Love ya Sister, will be praying for you.
Carol,
I understand a little about what you are going through. My husband passed in 2012 and I have 4 children that I am now raising alone. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. It does take time to find a new normal. I do agree with you on the homeschooling that it would be best for you to continue. There is a foundation called the Homeschool Foundation and they have many people that donate to them. They have scholarships that you would be eligible for, one which is the widows fund. They are also part of HSLDA (home school legal defense association). I don’t know about the part time work as I still am looking for something to do from home that is reputable and not a scam. I pray that the Lord continually comforts you during this time.