It’s Not About the Nail
Hey Dad,
This just may be the most brilliant You Tube video EVER made…and the lesson for men is POWERFUL. Watch it at least twice.
First time – watch it and just laugh.
The second time – watch it for the message it contains. If you think it’s about how wives need to talk accept the problems they face…then you MISSED the lesson.
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Todd,
thanks for sharing this highly relevant video. I know we all can be that guy. I hope you don’t mind, but I piggy backed off your post here on my own blog today (firstkings19.wordpress.com). I just think these are the kind of messages we should be sending out every chance we get.
Blessed to be a blessing,
Marshall McInytre
On a day where I am seeking to maintain a good spiritual connection, to recall with sufficient force the errors of the past, and to be loving and tolerant; I *might* choose “That sounds . . . really hard.” I have a long way to go.
The female brain is wired so differently. She’s not going to like my ‘git ‘er done’. It’s ‘how does that make you feel when (fill in )?’ My biggest struggle is to put down my thoughts (“just get over it, move on, why does it matter, etc”). I guess that’s what it means: “live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
To love her is to listen to and affirm her.
This has me disturbed! I am a wife, and I don’t get this video!!! If there is a problem that glaring and that easy to fix, by all means, TAKE ME OUT OF MISERY! I talk to my husband to have him help me and give me direction, to hear his perception on something I most likely have out of perception. If tables were flipped and that was our husband with a nail in his head… Most of us wives wouldn’t have even finished listening as long as this man did, we would’ve had our tweezers out and had that thing pulled out and been putting disinfectant and bandage on it!!!
Thanks, Anne, for saying what I was thinking. I don’t get it either!
I am with you Anne. I don’t get this.
Does this mean that when we talk with (to) them with our problem that they see it usually as a nail sticking out of our heads. That we know that we too have a nail sticking out of heads, we know the problem but refuse to deal with it?
I really need insight on this video.
Ironic, isn’t it? Here’s my working theory: Ladies like yourself (for whatever reason; wiring and personal history varies) just get past the stage of dealing with their emotions over the situation more quickly and are ready to move on to the solution (i.e., eager to get “…OUT OF MISERY!”). What the video does not show is that this woman will eventually want to move on to the obvious solution, but only after taking the minimum amount of time (whatever that is) to get her feelings validated. Now, here’s where I get myself into trouble: WE ALL DO THIS, just at different rates and with varying degrees of openness to others. The shorter the AVERAGE time (i.e., the quicker we take it to Jesus), the more mature we have become with regard to managing our emotions and regaining our focus on moving forward (I’m ducking now, so let the tomatoes fly!). Working theory aside, though, the video is a good reminder to me that ‘fixing’ the problem (i.e., the person) is not always what I’m called to do at the moment. He’s patient with me; I can be patient (gracious) with others.
That gal just really needs to get the nail out.
Hi Todd,
This, I think, brings up an awesome question: at what point does fixing the problem by the nail become the most important?
The answer, of course, is: never. As husbands, our commitment is to our wives, not to solving their problems, or any solutions, but to them *as a person*. Almost all women — let’s face it, almost all people in general — have insecurities about just that. We all want to know that we, just as we are, are loved. That’s what a lot of wives struggle against, because sometimes society teaches men to objectify women.
It may be a communication problem, but when we are interpreted (whether misinterpreted or not) as prioritizing the nail over the person, we send our wives a message. We tell them that solving the problem and removing the nail is more important than they are themselves. What we’re up against is that the women who need our affirmation the most are the ones who are most likely to be complaining about nails in the head! (How often does your wife come up and say, “I really need your affirmation right now… and also I have this headache, and the kids…?”)
So, Dads, we have got to ensure we are *accurate* in our communication — and that doesn’t just mean we said the right thing, that means that it was received accurately too! Ensure your wife understands that she *as a person* is most important, and that you’re right there beside here, that you love and cherish her. Oh yeah, and, when the time comes, you will be happy to help solve her problems… but that’ll come later on down the line!
-Trenton
My husband and I just laughed until we cried because we have been having this same exact conversation for 17 years. Well, minus the nail, of course. 😉
Anne, I totally agree, I think the message here is for WIVES, not husbands! If he can fix it, let him fix it, geez. Then thank him, make him a sandwich and jump his … ah hem, anyway, yes, one of the reasons I fell in love with my husband because I admire his strength and intelligence… then I forget to let him use them! But I’ll sure nag about getting him to fix things around the house… duh! Thanks for the reminder, Todd.
I think this video makes the woman look like a spoiled , arrogant, femininst. Our society has become so warped that we no longer value a strong take charge male, I personally thank God that He has granted me the wisdom to appreciate and desire the guidance and strength of my husband. I think any woman trying to be the Biblical helpmate to her husband that Christ calls us to be will be offended by this video.
Soooo good! I get the humour and as off the wall as this is, it is soo true!
Sometimes I think it is just easier (for all of us, as I struggle with this with my kids sometimes and with my husband too) it seems easier and we think it will take less time if we just go right ahead and fix the problem, especially if it appears to be a no-brainer to us! But that’s because it takes real patience and a desire to be truly present… to really listen. It asks more of us, which is exactly what the other person needs…MORE of US. Not a solution, not even advice, but just to be heard. Most of the time they just need to say it out loud and then they often figure out what they need to do on their own. We need to respect them enough to trust that they can handle it and embrace the opportunity to build up our connection by just letting them know we care enough…to listen. (This can actually save you lots of time in the long run!!)
Thanks for what you do, Todd!
Louise
Todd,
This was very confusing. I thought this would teach me how to understand my wife. I thought this was a video to train husbands on understanding their wives. It seems to me that this is a video to wives to stop telling their husbands that they don’t understand, and start listening to their husband’s words of wisdom. “Wake Up sweetheart! You have a nail in your head! Stop complaining and LISTEN TO ME! Submit (like the Bible tells you to) and take the nail out of your head.” How does this video help husbands relate to their wives. It basically tells them that their wives won’t listen to them, and they are hopeless in pointing to them the “moose on the table” which is invisible to their wives.
Todd wrote “If you think it’s about how wives need to talk accept the problems they face…then you MISSED the lesson.”
I guess I missed the lesson then. It certainly seems to me that it’s saying wives sometimes just need to talk about things in order to work and think through the problems they are facing. Certainly from almost 16 years of marriage this seems to be the case with my wife.
Todd, maybe you could explain the lesson for us if this isn’t the lesson since I’m a little thick.
I’m with you, Anne. If there’s an obvious way to help me, then, by all means, do so! When there’s a glaring problem, I don’t want my husband to ignore it, I want him to help me with it. Sometimes I’m the one who needs to shut up and listen so that issues can be resolved. Instead of fostering communication, this kind of message shuts it down.
We loved this video. It is so true. And of course as christian wives we value our husbands wisdom as we follow their leadership. I think some may read into this video a little too much. The reason it is so funny is because men are wired to be solution oriented, which is a blessing. But sometimes we just want him to show us our ‘love language’ and communicate that they understand us (even when they don’t).
My husband is the wisest man I know, but he often let’s me come to my own conclusions as I process to him out loud. I know that he knows the solution, and I usually know it too, but I desire his attention, understanding and affirmation. It’s okay to laugh at ourselves, it makes marriage more fun!! Thanks Todd!!
I am refreshed to see that many people actually got it and that Todd didn’t. Thank you women who understand that sometimes men ARE right. Not because they are men but because they are speaking truth and it needs to be heard. This video reminds me of C. S. Lewis’ “Great Divorce”. There is the chapter where the narrator describes an angel trying to convince a “soul” that there was a dragon on their shoulder and that it needed to be removed/destroyed. The logic is similar. Truth is truth. I’m tired of the culture that plays games and takes away the manliness that God gave us just so the feminine half can be affirmed.
You missed the lesson entirely. This isn’t about truth, although truth is a great thing. This is about how men misunderstand women at the most crucial times when a woman needs to feel loved by their significant other. Like Todd said it isnt about the nail in the head. Don’t fix the problem at first, listen and be attentive to the woman and her need to feel you really care for her and not the problem. The problem is insignificant to what needs affirmed to a woman’s soul. A woman just needs it felt and known that the man is there for her, cherishes her, and puts her feelings first then you may dive into solving the issue together.
Do you have any scripture references to support this supposed critical need that women have?
Tim is right, enough of the emasculation. Let be men for crying out loud!
Lots of differing opinions. It’s just a video clip that gets us to think individually and maybe the Holy Spirit is teaching us each where we need it most:) My wife and I had a good time just connecting afterwards. Thanks Todd!!
Great video! Thanks for posting!
Everybody is reading into this too much. The message is obvious: Women don’t know how to use hammers. I mean, really. The man just wanted to show his “love” by explaining how to use hand tools. I don’t see what all the fuss is. Men are better at tools and fixing things and women are better at cooking and cleaning things right? Oh, crap, here comes my wife, I gotta go…………….
Wow, I hope I never run into some of you people when you are at work.
1. I bring my car to you as a mechanic and tell you my brakes don’t work. Using the logic some have espoused here, the mechanic should feel bad for me that I cannot get my car stopped. Maybe explain the importance of stopping, make me realize that not all brakes will stop. And when I feel better send me on my way. or
.2. I go to the doctor not feeling well and he listens to me as I tell them how I can’t sleep and how certain things hurt and are swollen. And the doctor says he understands because he has had the same feelings and so do many of his patients. So when I realize that he understands and some people are worse off, I’m all set for the day (after I pay for the office call).
No, fix my brakes, operate on the tumor, TAKE THE NAIL OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
And Marshall, if the nail is the only thing holding it together, maybe we need to find a better adhesive.
I think we fall into the trap of just being nice where Paul said,
12For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.
13For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.
14But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.
A person doesn’t grow if they are always pampered.
And Wes you say that to love her is to “listen to and affirm her”. Ephesians 5:28 says: “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” And I sure am not leaving that nail in my head one second longer than I need to, so why would I let my wife suffer from something that I can “fix”. And since when is fixing things wrong?
Folks, we are in a battle against the evil one and if we spend all of our time trying to make everybody feel better about their situation, then we aren’t preparing for battle or fighting the battle.
Did you notice the end result of not removing the nail? Not only did the lady have a headache, now the man also has a headache. Now you have two people in need of help, instead of one.
I’m not saying to not be compassionate and loving, but if you let a problem continue to harm someone, just how compassionate and loving are you really being?