Rules and Guidelines for Technology Use
I’ve been thinking… if cowboys had to check their guns at the door when they walked into a saloon and since my dad wouldn’t let me talk on the phone past 9pm, why can’t we as Familymen write a set of ‘technology’ guidelines and rules, for us as well as our families. Civilization is counting on us.
So my fellow dad, would you help me assemble a reasonable list of technology guidelines? To get you thinking in the right direction, I’ll start the list…
1. If we’re doing something as a family there will be no texting, calling, checking email or cell phone unless your expecting an urgent call or text.
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Leave phone in pocket when at the dinner table.
Encourage our children to encourage their friends to turn it off as well.
ALL phones, iphones, ipods etc. must be put in a central location (for charging:) before 8:30 pm and may not be taken out til the next day. Ever find your child groggy the next morning because friends were up til 1 a.m. texting in bed?
No devices during family time (i.e. dinner, games, movie, etc)… including MOM and DAD!!!
My son keeps his phone in his pocket, and during dinner, we will hear it buzz. He doesn’t even reach for it.
Here are my “grand” ideas.. which probably work better in theory than in practice… but alas..
1. No computers in the bedroom (which could/should include the latest cell phones as they can basically get a kid in trouble as easily as a computer.)
2. Facebook time or other online activities (limit to 30 min)
3. Computer/tv time… whatever is left over after homework has been completed, chores finished, and allocated time with the family at the dinner table.
4. No cell phone until the child can pay the monthly fee themselves (with some exceptions of course 🙂
As a dad, recommend routine checks of phone calls, text messages, websites visited, etc. If you provide technology to your kids, I believe parents need to keep a keen eye on the tools/gadgets/etc. that we provide them. Heck.. maybe “family” time is spent learning new technologies 🙂 together.
Ok.. off my soap box.. thanks for allowing me to share.
No cell phones until you can drive. There is really no need before then. If there is, buy a prepaid phone with no texting and share it amongst the family for those who may need it for a special occasion.
We have a two-yr-old boy and a 9-wk old girl. I hope I can stand by this when they get older. They can have a “device” when they figure out how to pay for it. I survived just fine without real-time interaction w/ my ‘buds’—so can they. Things might change when they each start to drive—MIGHT. Then when the ‘devices’ start to interfere w/ family and health, they’ll meet the business end of my 12-lb splitting maul.
When you are out and plans change you must CALL and talk to me NOT text. Just made this rule with our 16 yr old.
1. No answering of any electronic device during meal time
2. For family activities, all electronic devices must be turned off (yours too, dad)
If it requires more than 5 texts to discuss it then just call that person and be done in 2 mins of REAL conversation
The same rules should apply to notebook computers!
Regarding the last part of your statement, “unless your expecting an urgent call or text.” As most situations and communication can be deemed as “urgent”, I think the subject of the urgent call or text should be known beforehand. If you are allowing something or someone to possibly interrupt family time, that interruption should be known ahead of time if possible.
I’m guilty! Thanks for the reminder.
For the technogeek families, certain phones, like Windows phones, can be configured to automatically switch to different alert profiles based on your calendar. So, I block family time on my calendar and the phone automatically silences any alerts/ringtones. When my calendar is ‘free’ again, it goes back to the Normal profile. Of course, I want this for my work meetings, movies, church, etc. so it works great for me. No need to ‘remember’ to silence the phone.
Move to Buffalo Mills, PA, we don’t have cell service — It’s Great!
No phones during meals or conversations with live people int he room.
No cell phones or computers will be used at any family gathering. Live people present in the room are more important than the phone calls and texting.
No phone calls while shopping unless it is Mom or Dad checking in on you.
Be polite.
Our family have had these rules for many years. They work (at times), especially when the kids realize there is grace when grandparents call to talk to them.
1) No phone calls during meals
2) Cell phones on silent (best to be turned off) during family events
3) Computer logged off during family events
Note: my oldest son is starting his own business in graphics. When he knows there is a call pending, he explains to all the pending call and the importance. This instills and trains (all of us, including myself) the discipline of planning and projecting ahead. It also removes the “urgency of the moment” knee-jerk reaction. Which destroys not only families but businesses.
These rules are few but have impact and are constantly reinforced as it is easy to be reactionary.
Block all apps other than texting without pictures. Unfortunately, it is all or nothing, because, to my knowledge, there is no screening software or ratings on cell phone technology yet. This will also reduce all the additional fees for downloads. Although I do agree that the child should pay for the phone, if you get a $150 bill, it suddenly becomes your problem.
If our kids text, then they need to send a prayer to the person they are texting..
How about no cell phones until they move out? Just kidding. I have 4 and my oldest is 11. He is constantly whining about not having a cell phone when all his friends have one.
He can have one when he can pay for it himself. Until then, he can have his friends call the house.
I don’t let any of my kids get on the Internet unless I am close by and all computers are in public areas that they have access to. We have a print server upstairs and my wife has a laptop that they don’t even have a username for, so we keep a very close eye on them.
WAIT JUST A MINUTE! Didn’t cell phones for young adults (I hate the word kids) begin with “used just for emergencies only”. Now they can’t grow up without being able to text a friend every 4-5 minutes? Come on guys, less than a century ago we did’t have cars and young adults (kid was a small goat then) matured just fine. They can do without some of the tech today. Find something else to do that requires some imagination and fun.
Hmm..it has helped me to come at this with the understanding that the bahavior exhibited towards the device (TV, phone, I-thingy) resembles worship. Realizing I was modeling idolatry, i started with killing the cable (10 years ago). My wife has a prepaid phone only. I actually shot my cell phone with the 22 which was very gratifying. Now you might think that is extreme, but first you should know I am a cop so I know what answering calls for true emergencies really is, and second, doesn’t the word say something about “plucking out the offending member? My kids are happily device free, and are not socially inept. They can actually speak full sentences! Dare to keep your heart focused on the important..the Lord and the people He puts in your life. Ok, I am off the soapbox, but recommend all the real dads look to see where the family really worships. BTW, my Captain actually praised me for sending an intern home who would not (could not) stop texting during a ride-along. Seems the management is finding that devices and the behavior that come with them are not very conducive to getting or keeping a job.
No use during dinner (any meal actually).
It has to be next to ours at night charging when she goes to bed.
I/We have unlimited access to the thing anytime we want so we can check what has been happening. (Besides, I can access the account online and review activity as far as # of calls/texts and to whom.)
All phone calls MUST be made to someone who is on the SAME service provider we are on. No calls to someone on a different provider. (Those can be made on the home phone,although I am thinking of getting rid of it and boosting our monthly minutes on cell service). Same service provider has mobile to mobile minutes and it doesn’t eat into what we pay for. Texting to those people is OK, though.
If a text/call comes in and I ask, I have to be told who the person is on the other end.
Anything that I might deem inappropriate has to be shown to me asap, and I will deal with the matter.
ALL calls/texts from me or mom MUST be answered immediately. No letting calls from us go to voicemail. If the call is missed, it must be returned immediately.
Having this item is a privilege, not a right. Failure to do the standard required chores (making bed, cleaning up after indoor animal, etc), failure to maintain grades/conduct at school, etc., results in loss of privilege.
These are our rules and so far everything is working just fine, and she’s not arguing with me about the rules. She knows they are in place for her safety and her best interest.
I feel like Todd must have spoken to my wife before posting this weeks message. This needs to start with me!
On the iPod, only the parents have a password that is required to buy or download any apps. On the computer the login password is known only to the parents.
No electronics at dinner or at family times.
Pay for your own devices and air time.
Verizon allows us to turn off the service every night at bedtime and turn back on in the morning.
As Ronald Reagan once wisely siad, “trust but verify”
When you check and find all rules are being obeyed- praise their maturity, discernment, discretion and obedience.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, I know new technology has its place, but do our kids really need to have these features on their phones?( and in some cases do some kids even need the phones to begin with if they are not yet old enough to leave the house without parents around) The kids I’ve seen that have them seem so preoccupied with them that their interpersonal skills truly do suffer. Its good for older kids to have a cell phone to keep in touch if they are out of the house but in the house its just not necessary.
I am completely in favor of what some of you dads have said about the kids not having a cell phone until they can pay for one themselves. I mean what real need does a child have of a cell phone? If your kids are old enough to drive and you’re worried about them breaking down and not having a way for them to contact you, one possible idea for someone worried about being able to reach their child when they are not with them would be to have a family cell phone that any member of the family could carry when needed.
If you are going to lay down rules about the limited use of communication devices, please tell your kids (young adults?) why you believe it to be important. Don’t just assume they do not care or are too stupid to understand your reasoning, they may not agree (from their perspective) but by treating them with respect you are exhibiting how you would want to be treated. As for the old question ‘do they really need it” about technology, do you really need a stove or a fridge? No they did without them once, but they do have a place and they make life easier when we are used to using them. Young people are born into a world of technology and gadgets, help them to manage technology not throw the baby out with the bath water.
Here’s our rules:
1.Our son has his own business so he has to pay his own bill.
2. Cell phone on kitchen counter at 10:30pm
3. We have access to his phone at all times.
4. No texting during school hours. (except 1/2 hour during lunch)
5. No texting during meals, family time, or conversations with parents.
6. If he’s participating in an activity with a friend (ex. ice fishing) he cannot text other friends.
7. He must view the phone as an univited guest and not allow it to be rude to him or others.
8. If he does not get a minimum of “B” on ALL his tests and papers, he loses his cell phone until the next test in the same subject and he gets at least a “B”.
We have a few more, but I’m trying to keep this short.
A real-life, funny story related to children and computer use:
In an effort to ensure that our children would take care of their responsibilities at home before playing games on the computer, my wife, Anne, taped this note in big bold letters over the front of the computer monitor, “Don’t even think of getting on here if you don’t have all your chores and cleaning done [plus anything else Mom has asked you to do]. NO EXCEPTIONS!”
The following weekend we were entertaining some friends, when one husband approached Anne and commented, “Boy, Anne, you sure are tough when it comes to getting chores done around here”.
A short time later we discovered that one of our sons had removed the note from the computer and taped it to the toilet lid.
When our oldest son was 11 or 12, I outlawed all computer games. (I made him take all of them off of the computer.) A few made it back into the house masquerading as educational software. We have never had an xbox or similar.
He turned his interest in computers into programing and trying to make them do something useful. His brother spent hours building and programing with Lego mindstorms. He also spent a lot time working with computer graphics.
The boys have since thanked me for my decision. Our oldest in particular has recognized that he could have become a gamer. He is now pursuing a PHD in computer science. Son no2 is completing his BS with degrees in computer engineering and math and is applying to grad schools in math.
They both have seen kids drop out of college because of spending too much time playing computer games. One kid lost a full ride scholarship to ISU when the new version of a game came out.
In short, not playing computer games and watching TV has given all of our kids time to read and pursue their passions.
hey Nugget, I am on board with you regarding the “need for technology”. The fridge analogy works, in many ways. we can fill it with soda and ice cream and wear out the hinges and light bulb opening it while turning our blood into grease, or we can fill it with healthy food, limit our use to nutritional needs, and do it together as a family. My concern is that behind the frustration so many Dad’s express about the kids over/mis using the “fridge” is that they assume it is an impossiblity to live free from it. In the case of the phones, ipods etc, VERY little of the use is likely necessary, and very much is simply entertainment. Dad’s just gotta realize that God did not put us here for our entertainment. He put us here for his glory. When our hearts are so tuned to the discovery of a new ‘App” we can find very little heart time for the glory of God. Simple fact I had to face: In the two years (at $78 per month for 2) we had cell phones, I got exactly two emergency calls. Neither one demanded my immediate response. Now I am $78 more able to give each month, and still have not missed an emergency. I encourage dad’s to look really hard at this, be pro-active and send the message (starting with us) that we should never be a slave to anything. Our “young adults” and my my kids will be thankful. Just use the fridge well guys…
P.J. – I laughed out loud at your “they can actually speak full sentences!” comment. So true. My goal is to have our girls fully engaged in intelligible, meaningful conversation (and in family life in general) during the short time we have them with us.
My wife is homeschooling our two girls (8 and 10) so there’s even less of a “need” for cell phones, etc.
One area that’s been on my heart though is TV. It’s so easy to sit in front of it and not engage with the family. So we just started a new rule that the TV would be off completely Sunday through Thursday – and I just clarified yesterday that this doesn’t mean we have a TV/DVD marathon on Friday and Saturday, either!
What a difference it’s been making to really make an effort to be more of a PARTICIPANT in life instead of an OBSERVER of “life” (more accurately “artificial life”).
Now there are a lot more opportunities to have conversations about life issues and everyday life by making a conscious effort to keep the tube turned off. And as a Christian dad, I know it’s my responsibility to be taking the time to instill in our kids the things that God wants them to know and do – and this takes time.
Do other dads have anything specific they do to keep this particular mode of technology at bay in their homes?
hey Mark R!
I was a Star trek and (gasp) NYPD Blue fan. (I have repented). Here is what we did. We started a two part plan. first was a total cleansing, because we KNEW we could not “visit” our TV. We dropped cable which gave us (at that time) $28 more a month, which we gave to church for a building fund. the first three months were VERY hard. I actually salivated when I sat down to eat and thought of “The Adrenaline Rush hour” on the History channel. It was like DT’s. however, we found that over time, we started to talk more. I found time to hug my bride..with the great result of three more kids in the next 6 years!!! As time went by, we began to find we were much more discerning about the world view of films, movies etc. So, focusing on the scripture that says, “what is good and pure and…focus on these things”, we began to build a library of films. we had some real dudds, but found feature Films for Families, Vision Forum, Lamplighter, etc etc. We tossed Disney on its ear. Now we find that old Little House, etc etc are easy to find, and our kids love them. We use them in small doses to create fodder for imagination. We watch TOGETHER, which takes commitment. It is very hard for me, because being TV free for 11 years, I find I cannot stand to sit and watch for even ten minutes. I say all this because it really comes down to “principle” put into “practice”, not “rules that limit and are designed to be bent”. Oh, BTW, my childen are 12, 10, and two 8s. they all read above grade level, and attend a family integrated church. These principles have brought great peace and love into our family. however there is a cost…I have no idea who won teh Super Bowl, or who Hannah Montana is…but who cares!!!
I am reading through pages of stuff talking about not using email and phones and stuff.
Is it ok for this “Christian” blog to use them but not other users?
Yeah, I totally get and respect families who desire to eliminate all or many of the technological distractions we are bombarded with. My wife and I are very strict on the amount and types of media our children (along with ourselves) engage in. We do own a TV, DVD player, computer, cell phones, and yes, even a Wii.
None of these things are neither good nor bad, in and of themselves; it is the placing of proper value in these conveniences that matters most. My children are not of age yet to have need (or even desire) for cell phones yet, but they do each engage with technology and media in limited and controlled quantities. For example, we make it a point to watch family-friendly movies together, than talk about the morals and values presented therein afterward. On cold, dark, snowy weekends here in Minnesota, we’ll fire up the Wii for a family night of bowling, golf, or good ol’ Mario Kart (just to prove that Dad can still finish ahead of the kids). And my son just got an mp3 player for Christmas. He loves to listen to Adventures in Odyssey or Mystery of History before falling asleep or in the car on the way to Grandma’s house.
I think if we can view many of today’s technological conveniences as tools to appropriately engage our biblical values, rather than become enslaved to the seduction of idolatry, we teach our children (especially by example) the proper perspective and value these items should have in our lives.
The rule in our home is no computer usage on Sundays.
Oldest son is working on getting his first cell. I told him I would get him a cell on his birthday if he will read the New Testament thru with me over the next 8 months. So far, he is loving it. (btw, I was going to get him a cell for his birthday either way, this is just a great motivator to read God’s word, and he is loving it.) It broke down for us to read 1 chapter a day… easier than he thought! and he is not allowed to get ahead or finish early.
I would ask for shorter responses to daDADS deals here!
that way I spend less time with my face jammed into the shiny precious catching up with you fellas.
Ive dumped a couple fists full of dollars into these glowing gadgets. I believe its because Im a master tinkerer. seems I cant wait for them to break so I can open them up and really get to know them.
BUT, the true centerpiece of this place, the fam. and I call home, is the dinner table. sure the M.Ds, PHDs and their pals say were overweight and even obese because we wear clothing a size or two bigger than “average”, but the arrows in my quiver cant wait to see papas reaction to ANY electronic noise or disturbance during a meal.
develop a righteous/divine indignation/hate towards interruptions during family/consecrated times.
short and sweet. to read more, check out my 345 page blog.
yeah right!!!
We have one phone for all the kids and they only get to use it when they are out at some activity away from home. It is only calls and no texts and only calls to home.
We also limit game time (Wii, PC games, x-box) to the weekends or special occasions and on the weekends the time they get to play or even watch someone else play is limited. AND if responsibilities during the week were not completed (school, chores, attitude, etc.) then the privilege to play/watch at all is removed.
This may cause some upset children sometimes, but life is tough sometimes, especially when you are not fulfilling your responsibilities. No one said it would be easy or fair.
I think we need to remember that we are in charge and quit being pansies about telling the kids what they can and can’t do.
Snowbound,
You really hit it, more eloquently than I did, for sure! I think that Bill might have taken my soapbox a little wrong, and you hit my sentiments exactly. What i am liking alot about this forum is that it seems to be filled with guys who are getting it right with the family. Therefor i have posted more times today than I ever have, anywhere, all put together. It is good to hear that i am not alone in this pursuit of being a godly dad.
No computer time until all homework, house chores are complete and inspected by DAD !
Way to go, Todd! I’m starting to HATE our son’s shared cell phone. My oldest keeps the ringer off and never hears our calls and our middle son has turned texting into a sport. This is a very helpful article as we struggle to gain control of “BIG BAD BOB!”
Wow. this thread contradicts everything the dads are trying to achieve. Really quick- Kids use all handheld devices with permission. After several “no not nows” They’ll catch on when and where it is appropriate.
P.J. and Snow Bound,
I appreciate how you’re focused on addressing the heart issues – and I appreciate all the detail.
Since this doesn’t seem to be a good forum for continued discussions at that in-depth level, I’d like to keep in touch via email if you’re interested (and anyone else who’s interested as well).
Hope to continue our discussions that way – nice to connect with and encourage/be encouraged by some new brothers!
Thanks again for all of the helpful information!
God bless,
Mark Roodhouse
mlroody@verizon.net
At our house my wife and I get sick of the “Can we have some Wii time?” question all day. My wife grew up without video games and would like to throw them out a window, but I like them, so we have them. Our rule now is no gaming until after the babies are in bed and then only for 1 hour. If you ask to play during the day, you lose your time.
Technology is not bad!
I am using AT&T’s smart Limits for wireless. It gives me total control when they can be texting thier friends. No late night texting at our house they are shut down after bedtime, and during school hours. They can text or call anyone on an allowed list anytime! (FAMILY ect.) But no one can call or be called (or texted) during restricted times you set.
I like that!
I live in a rural area…we have no cell phone signals in our little valley. What’s wrong with the good old fashioned telephone?
Anyway, as it seems obvious that these things are taking over many people’s lives, just shut them off & put them away during family time, meal time, homework time, couple time, and so on. Keep the rule simple & set the example. In my house we’re still working on stuff like, “No yelling at each other.”