What does a proposal really mean? by Drew Geerts
I must admit, I’ve failed my family big time. Only recently have I realized this, and I’ve had my family for 10 years. What 
does it mean to be a good husband? I thought I was one. I went to work every day to a job I mostly hated, and brought home the bacon. I made sure that there was a roof over my family’s head. I made sure they had food. Does that make me a good husband? I thought so.
Recently, however, God has revealed to me that I may not be the best I can be. He reminded me that I made a promise to my wife, even before we were married. I made my promise, at my proposal.
What do we men do traditionally when we propose? We all have different techniques. Some put a ring inside of a buttery potato at a fancy restaraunt, and others will put their proposal on the jumbo-tron at a professional sports event. There are many ways to do it, but there is one thing that is stereotypical. If we are able to, we get down on one knee.
By kneeling, we are making a statement. In the days of knights and kings, a knight would kneel before his king, letting his king know that he will serve him unto death. When Jesus washed the disciples feet, I imagine he wasn’t standing up, forcing his followers to lay on their backs with their feet in the air. No, Jesus was kneeling before them. He was letting them know that he was serving them, even unto His death. He even says in Luke 22:26, “But among you, those who are the greatest should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant.” (New Living Translation)
So when we kneel before the woman we hope to call wife and say, “Will you marry me?” What our stance at that moment is really saying is, “Will you let me serve you until I die?” We may ask that question, but how many of us really observe that question. Most of us know that “Husbands are to love their wife like Christ loved the Church.” But do we really do it?
In todays culture the term “love” has been redifined. We “love pizza” or “love that movie” , essentially loving only the things that make us feel good. That definition has leaked into the marriage as well. “I love her because she makes me feel good.” But how do we treat our wives? Do we really serve them unto death?
“Well you don’t understand my wife…she’s really difficult to serve.” Ok, but if marriage is a picture of the church, and we are the bride of Christ, do you think that we treat Christ the best? Are we really deserving of His Love? Of course not! But
He loves us anyway. He serves us anyway.
Think about the things we do serve. We don’t even make the same promise to other things that we do our wives. When accepting a job today, no one kneels before their boss, or their company. Yet, many men will serve their jobs before their families. No one kneels to money, or pornography, yet many men will serve them before their families.
Let us get our priorities straight. We made a promise to our wives. To serve them unconditionally. When we speak to our young children, how many of us kneel down to talk to them? I used to stand over them, which I imagine was very intimidating. But now, I kneel to speak to them. Not because I want to be at the same eye level as them, but because I’m reminding myself that I am serving my children. They most likely won’t understand that, but it’s for me to understand.
While I’m on this kick, when is the last time you’ve knelt before God? Letting God know that you vow to serve Him.
I will try harder every day to remember that my proposal to my wife, wasn’t about me being happy rather, me making a vow to do everything in my power to serve her; to show her the love of Christ.
This is what acting like a man is about.
FYI – Drew also wrote and recorded the amazing Familyman Song.
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I saw you once at a homeschooling conference when I had 2 kids and you were so funny I never forgot you. I have since ever had your email newsletter, and I sometimes read it, silently stalking your life for years without ever saying whats on my mind, until today. Now I have 7 kids and one on the way and God has taught me many things about being a Dad, like he’s taught you. I have noticed a trend in many of your posts, you often think you are a failure, which your not. The very fact that you are able to “see” your shortcomings is what makes you a good dad. You wear your heart on your sleeve to benefit other dads, and for that I thank you. But now that I have examined your hear as you have shown it you should know, I wanted to tell you that I think it’s easier to be a good dad than what the world, or even the church tells us.
My dad died when I was ten years old, I have only a handful of memories of him, but they all helped me, and I don’t think he was trying very hard. Now that I have 7 kids, I just cant do everything with all of them. If I open my candy bar and they all want a bite, then it’s gone. Does that mean I was a good dad to selflessly give my candy bar to my children? I dare say no! As I tell my children, they are not “kids” they are “adults in training.” I have learned that when I act that way I am telling the kids they are more important than the parents are. Sometimes I see something in the checkout isle that one kid will go crazy for. I don’t buy knick knacks for them often, but if I take the idea that, “If I buy one something, I have to buy them all something.” I first of all will go broke, and second it makes them think they are entitled to things, which I don’t want. If I go ahead and buy that thingy, just for the one kid, he feels super special for a day, and the other kids learn to feel happy for them as well. Of course I randomly do things with each one of them individually at different times, you should too, and feel no guilt. The kids should know that you love them, but always elevating the kids feelings and desires above the parents, while noble, causes them to think they are more important than they are, and I have seen it lead to problems when they get a job.
A father does the best that he can, he is only a man after all. The most important lesson I have taught my kids, is that our flesh is rotten, and it wants to do the wrong things, but that we must make it ride in the back seat to our spirit. True love is not a sappy poem and acting like a doormat. True love is regular life, shared with others, while serving the Lord. You shouldn’t measure yourself by what other things you could have done as a dad. Chances are we will never be the super-dad that we think we should be. If we can only teach our families that our spirit is at war with our flesh…all the other things will come on their own, without even having to teach them! It is something that will affect our grandchildren and after. A truly good dad is still teaching lessons after he leaves the world, just like Jesus.
And you are a good dad as well, despite your shortcomings, actually, BECAUSE of them. Don’t be so hard on yourself! You don’t need tons of tweets, likes or recognition to show you are affecting dads for the good. The farmer that throws all his seed, yet does not have a harvest, is equally as successful as the one that has all of it grow. After all, we don’t make it grow, we are just to sow the seeds. I just wanted to encourage you.
The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the LORD. Proverbs 21:31