Top 10

1. Learn to play the flute and start walking down the road (it worked in Ireland)
2. Don’t get rid of them – learn to co-habitate with all living things.
3. Grab the little rascals by the scruff of the neck and teach the kids proper ‘coon punting techniques (this one may not go over too well with the animal lovers in the house) (also make sure someone gets it on film – AFV loves this stuff).

You know you’re a man, if you answer “C” to ALL of the following questions.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
   

Original List (age 22):

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

1. Change the dead bulbs in the Christmas lights still hanging on the house.
2. Go to Home Depot with your wife and desperately try to look interested in the plants.
3. Move the snow shovel off the front porch.
4. Gas up the mower, get the blades sharpened and teach your SON how to mow!
5. Spread 400 lbs. of fertilizer, 200 lbs of weed killer and 100 lbs of bug killer on the yard… Then read the directions and find you should have worn a level 4 hazmat suit.

1. “Sweetheart, I wanted to get you a gift but my credit card limit was only $2,000.”
2. “I’m sorry mam, but the mugging seems to have caused a bit of amnesia.”
3. “You know, according to the Lunar Calendar our anniversary is tomorrow.”
4. “I wanted to get you the world, but I didn’t know how to gift wrap it.”

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.