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– When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

– When your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

– When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

– When your wife says, “Let’s go upstairs and…you know” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”

Forsooth Dad,

You know there are times in every man’s life when he stumbles into greatness. That was my lot this past week. I wasn’t looking for any accolades or parades, but my wife had just about had it with some pesky mice who were leaving their tell tale signs underneath the kitchen sink, and I was beginning to tire of her comments.

So, I set out some traps (remember Killer?) and the next morning—BINGO! Then I disposed of the body, cleaned out under the sink, and resumed normal life at the Wilson household. Little did I know what awaited me.

A few hours later, my wife walked over to me, smiled warmly, and said, “Thanks for slaying a dragon for me.”

1. At lunch time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks…Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso! ! ! !

"Hey, Dad, come out and see what we did!" I did...and this is what I saw. The kids had strapped our potato canon to their go-cart. Those are my boys!!!

Sometimes, as these pictures that were sent in by David V. show, things don't go quite as planned.

Hey Dad,

Not only have I beaten back most of the dreaded fruit flies, but today we caught TWO mice in ONE mousetrap. That’s right TWO in ONE. Of course we got’em with trusty, blood stained Ol’ Killer. I’ve got other mousetraps (I’m a Victor Mouse Trap Guy) but I’ve tweaked the catch on Ol’ Killer so that if a mouse so much as breathes on it SNAPPPPP!!!! I pitty the mouse who stumbles upon it.

How about a good match of “CHUBBY BUNNY”? Add one big size (not mini) marshmallow in your mouth and say, “Chubby Bunny”. Then add another big size marshmallow, and say “Chubby Bunny”. Keep adding marshmallows until you can’t add anymore and everyone rolls in laughter!!!!

Tim Barker
Lancaster, PA

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Here are a few Dad Olympic events that I came up with…call it the Dad Pentathlon

Here they are...the medalists of the Husbanding Olympics!!!

Hey Dad,
Well, the battle continues. Remember last week I told you about the expensive fix on my car due to the destructive eating habits of a big rodent? Well, we set out the ‘live trap’ and caught a…cat.

After extensive questioning, the cat was released and the wire-gnawing bandit was still at large. Then I saw something that confirmed my suspicions. We were dealing with marmota monax, the common groundhog.

The family and I had been away from home for several hours and I had just dropped them off at a neighbor’s house for desert. Alone, I made the short trip home to let our dog out for a bathroom break before heading back to the neighbor’s home.

Broadcast on All Things Considered, February 14, 2008

Amid all the claims for romantic prowess being peddled by film stars, rock stars and flat-bellied bachelors, the real superheroes of the bedroom go largely unacknowledged.

And so, this Valentine’s Day – a day when suburban mommies everywhere will be showered with construction paper hearts, overpriced chocolates and things from Victoria’s Secret that we will wear only once, if at all – it is time to extend some long-overdue credit.