Great Revenge Ideas from Fellow Dads

One day I found a pair of Channelock pliers when I raked up some composted leaves in the front yard. The joint was welded absolutely solid by rust so that the handles could not be budged! I made a wall plaque for my dad by mounting them to the face of a piece of maple. Underneath was an inscription; “Now my son has sons! Happy Father’s Day!
~Doug”

Personally I can’t wait to leave my old shoes and pool towels in his car when I visit. Let him explain it to his boss if something squeaks or is sticky.
~Kirk

How about losing THEIR tools…and eating the LAST ice cream sandwich in THEIR freezer… and…and knocking on THEIR bedroom door 15 minutes after bed time asking to sleep on the floor because I’m scared? Man, that would be great!
~Simon

my revenge shall be to get in a (loud) argument with my wife when they get an important phone call. (while hiding the TV remote behind the toilet of course)
~Andy

1) While in their home, wait until they are on the phone. (It would be best
if the call was important to them). Talk about senseless things in an ever
increasingly loud voice to invisible people near the phone.

2) Take everything out of their garage and hide it in tall grassy areas.

3) When they are traveling to my home, call every 5 minutes and ask if they
are almost there.

4) While they are sleeping scatter die cast toys all over the floor…
especially the path to the bathroom.

5) Destroy all tape measures… then hide the pieces in tall grassy areas.

6) Wait until they are trying to take a nap from being up all night. Sneak
up on them and stare right at their face. Laugh hysterically when they jump
out of their skin. (This could be dangerous depending on how big they get as
adults)

7) Take over all the old photo albums and tell them all the things they used
to do to you and how much of a treasure those memories have been!!

8) I still might have to talk to the grandkids and plant a few seeds…

9) I should mow the tall grassy areas tonight…
~Eric

Make sure when you go to their house that you change the CD in the CD player and the one that was in there somehow ends up on the floor outside of its case!

I’m not sure how you would tell them this but make sure they know you’ve been wearing the same underwear for 4 days but changed your shirt at least 5 times just today.
~Paul

The other great revenge is going to all of their houses when they grow up and turn on all of the lights….

I can’t tell you how many times the lights are left on in our house by the 3 boys while they are outside playing !

The only other thing is I want to jump on their beds when they grow up !

Of course I will probably break my hip.
~Matthew

My plan is to get their stuff and make little piles out of it all over their kitchen, dining room, living room and any other room I can find. Then I’m gonna put a half eaten apple in their car, under the seat, and dump crushed up Pringles on the car seats. After than I’ll stuff sticky candy wrappers in the ash tray and inside all of the convenience pockets and compartments in the car.
This is gonna be so much fun!
~John

for years I’ve had three goals, short, mid and long term and I’ve preached them.

Short was to live long enough to be able to say to someone, “hey get there and cut the lawn!”

Mid, live long enough to see the day when my kids buy their own furniture. Go visit wearing dark slacks, and have a quiet accident. Leave without mentioning it.

Long, live long enough to get even with social security.

Maybe I’ll just concentrate on SS.
~jack

Hey Todd, I would add sprinkling a little craft glitter on the kitchen table and floor then move to the fridge. Unscrew the lid to the pickle jar and just leave it sitting on top so when the next adult hand that picks it up by the lid spills pickles and juice all over the fridge. And don’t close the fridge door without squeezing some ketchup up out of the bottle and flipping the lid closed to squish all around the edge of the lid. I will miss these things all too soon.
~Bob

Leave the bottle of hand soap tipped over so it puddles on the counter. Hide a musical toy under their bed so it plays in the middle of the night. Work up a thirst playing in the mud and then come running in to ask for a drink. Tear the covers off all their magazines.

What a blessing our piglets are!
~Craig

I was reading this and cracking up! It made me think of my four year old ( Chloe ) who loves to wait until the moment I sit down to read, climbs “discreetly” to the back of my chair, wraps both legs around my neck and with both of her hands latched very tightly to my hair begins to sing while thrashing my head around wildly.
While reading your e-mail I got the mental picture of going to my grown childrens homes, laying my walker aside and climbing on thier recliners singing (without my dentures) with my hands full of thier hair. But you know what………….I sure hope someone climbs on the back of my chair tonight and pulls my hair when I get home.
~Darren

I’ve been plotting something similar for years. In addition to the
things you mentioned, for my revenge when I visit my grown up children
(should they not first succumb to their non-hygienic ways), I will:

– Place fresh, moist raisins on their patterned rugs so when they step
on them in their stocking feet, both the rug and the socks will be
indelibly marked.
– Spread a thin layer of honey on the outside of the jar.
– Take their freshly washed laundry from their baskets and tromp it into the raisin rugs.
– Take their freshly washed laundry and deposit it directly in to the dirty laundry hamper.
– Leave the milk out.
– Leave my dirty dishes unrinsed until the remnants of food become a sedimentary rock.
– Throw trash on the counter or the table that’s right next to the
trash can.
– Rub garbage on the outside of the trash can.
– Leave all the lights on.
– Leave the refrigerator door open.
– Not remember it’s my turn to clean the kitty litter.
– Clog every toilet in the house, and one toilet a day in the host’s
house when they take me visiting.
– Put three times as many half full cups of milk in the fridge as there are people in the house, “to finish later.”
– Rinse the tub by filling it completely full, then letting it drain,
leaving most of the stuff I was “rinsing.”
– Lose my hair brush, use theirs, and leave it under the back seat in the car.
– When they ask if I’ve changed my underwear today (or this week), reply, “Ummmmm……..”
– When they ask who did all those things, reply, “Ida Noe.”

If you post these things, please sign me Sebastian.

want to get one of those “REALLY BIG” travel trailers when we retire and visit each of my four “piggies” for three months out of the year. While there I will hook up to their power and water. (This is key) I will stay up all night leaving on all my lights and running the TV; Leave my door open to the screen but continue to run the Air Conditioner; take 35 minute showers and use 4 towels to dry off.

Then comes the food…. well, you get the idea. Each of my “messer-uppers” have been told this and they said they would be looking forward to the challenge.

I’m sure it will be too quiet to stay around here anyway…….
~David

When my kids are married I’ll be sure to find out the nights they plan on spending quite time in front of good movie. That is when I will strike- If they don’t have there own I’ll bring the old Wii they left, plug it in and play all night. I’ll ask them if they want to bowl, play tennis, box or just play a little Mario Party, over and over and over and if they don’t want to I’ll just keep on playing until the late hours, or at least until the movie “would” have ended. And if they decide to go to bed early I’ll then ensure the noises I make will interrupt their sleep or whatever else they
might be doing.

To bring back their younger days a toy they once played with from home might accidentally be dropped in the toilet. At
least a half a roll of TP would be required to verify the object was
strategically wedged in the correct location; one that requires not only total dismantling but also much searching with the toilet upside down in the bathtub. Proper wedge location ensures no visible signs of blockage and almost guarantees the unit gets used before the unfortunate circumstances are discovered. (The toy would have been engraved with their initials for memory sake)

I could come up with more but I’ll let it go at that. Thanks for the
e-mails and getting us to think about things we might not come up with on our own.
~Brian

Don’t usually reply, but as our little piggy just got back from dinner out with us and his grandparents, my revenge would be very sweet indeed…picture this…My wife and I will go out to eat with he and his family. I will order something and not eat it, all the while talking about anything and everything, but preferrably bodily functions and strange smells in the restaurant, as loud as I possibly can without actually yelling…and then for good measure, when everyone else is just finishing up, I will belch repeatedly and shout out “Did ya hear that?” after each and every one.
~Joshua

How about going through the garage and making sure all the tools and boxes of memorabilia are sorted through and dumped out (pictures mixed with wrenches, etc). Of course this should be done just before son get’s home and make sure the garage can’t be driven into. Also go to the back yard and dig up any recent landscape improvements looking for bugs and put them in any pots and pans found in the kitchen. Then make sure the bugs have enough water by turning on the garden hose in the kitchen. Boy I better stop, this is getting too fun!!!

My revenge will be, when they are older I will go to their
homes and when they ask if I would like something to eat or
drink, I will ask for something I know they don’t have, then
when they tell me I will politely start to whine like a 3 year
old then progress to a full tantrum. (Hopefully by then they
will have bribed me with an Oreo or some Nutter Bars).
~Gary

– I am going to pull all the toilet paper off the rolls and leave the empty cardboard roll for them to use.
– On a hot summer day I am going to ask to go McDonald’s for lunch in their car. And I will leave my chicken nuggets in their backseat to “mature”.
– I am going to sneak into their pantry and empty their cereal boxes and put them back in the pantry empty.
– I am going to leave their remotes any where but where they are supposed to go.
– My favorite is I am going to throw up all over their new carpet at 3 AM.

Thanks for giving us great hopes and dreams for the future to help us cope with today.
~Perry

Good plan… just need to ramp it up a bit. For example, you did not smear any toothpaste on the bathroom mirrors. That is a must. Also, when your asked where all the toothpaste went (and none on your toothbrush) you look them dead in the eye and say “I have no idea.”

And the towels, you forgot to get them soaking wet before leaving them piled in the corner… behind the toilet!

You missed some key messes, but thanks for getting started.
~Toby

We are going to stick gum to the seats in their van, wad up wet pool towels and throw them under the deck. In the kitchen we will pour a glass of milk and leave a ring on the counter. Never fill up the water filter pitcher, or ice cube trays. In the bathroom, pull off the toilet paper and leave little pieces all over the floor, then go home and wonder how they got so old so quick.

When you think that your child and his or her spouse are at the height of a romantic moment, call them on the phone (or knock on their bedroom door, if you’re visiting). Likewise in the middle of the night when they’re in their deepest sleep.

It has nothing to do with messing up the house, but as long as you’re
seeking revenge. . . . . .
~Vernon

I can relate. Your household of nine sounds like our household of eight.
Here are a few other suggested “revenge” items:

-How about going into their bathroom to take a shower and not using the
shower curtain.
-I will leave my books and various other items randomly placed around the
living room.
-I will pack enough shoes to take with me to their house and then
strategically place one shoe in each room of the house. Then I will
accessorize each room with an array of socks and underwear.
-I will plug up each toilet in the house (and then claim I had no idea where
the plunger was).
-I will plant lawn land mines (Rescue Heros, various plastic animals, etc.)
for when they mow the next time.
-I will spend one day making it my mission to make sure every light in the
house is on.
-I will take my ham sandwich into my room and place it in the corner of the
closet for a science experiment.

You’re right, I do feel much better now. Gotta go…the toilet is
clogged…again…
~Mike

This is the Sleep Deprivation Revenge. There are two options.

Option # 1: At midnight, 2:00 AM, 3:37 AM, 4:15 AM, and 5:32 AM, slowly enter their rooms, stand at the side of their bed (so they can sense what might be a prowler), then poke their shoulder and say, “I can’t sleep.” Then, enjoy their response that they learned from me: “That’s because you’re up walking around.” Then I’ll say, “Can you tuck me in again?” They’ll slowly drag themselves out of bed and follow me back to my room, bumping into at least two doorways in the process. Then they’ll tuck me in again and give me a kiss on the head (or just a pat, if they’re still a bit wobbly on their feet).

Option # 2: When they’re completely out, sneak into their bed and fall asleep with my head on the pillow they are using. Then, activate every sweat gland in my head and back so I gradually soak the pillow and bed. This will force them to eventually wake up with the strange feeling that it must have rained in the bedroom, only to realize that I am sound asleep next to them (they previously didn’t notice my arm on their face). Then they can carry me back to my bed, making sure they don’t drop me or hit my head on the door frame. Once back in bed, I am free to activate Option # 1 at my leisure.

Of course, during both of these Options, I’ll be cute and adorable and they’ll always look back fondly on those times (after the coffee).

I really enjoy your Familyman Weekly emails. Keep up the good dad job!
~Stan

Yes, yes, sweet revenge! First I will start by making sure that all my grand kids have the loudest noise making toys I can find like Fire Engines and Police cars with sirens, dragsters that make a real loud dragster noise and maybe some moraccas for good measure. I will try to visit them in wet swimming trunks so that I can drip all over THEIR floors. Then I will ask to change and just throw my wet suit on their couch. I will definitely make sure that I park all of their bikes in the middle of their garages before I leave. Oh yeah, but before we leave my wife and will have to have cereal and juice and just leave the milk filled bowls and half empty juice glasses on the table.
~Paul

When I am old and increpide when my daughter thinks I’m just about to go to sleep I will spring to my feet and yet HA HA HA and run frantically around the house
~Matthew

– Take their brand new video cameras and decunstruct them, hide key
parts in other rooms and vents.

– eat dinner, toss plate (with leftovers) on the floor.

– Pee on the floor in the middle of the room, wait for them to start
cleaning up, go to kitchen – remove grapes, travel room to room
smashing them into the floor

– take remote control, hide it.

– wait for them to go to sleep, wake them up…to get a hug because I
missed them so much. Wail until they give it to me. Go back to bed.
Repeat.

– take filing cabnet, “sort” the papers…all over the floor.

– make breakfast for their kids, leave mess on counters

– work in their yard – throwing the rocks into the grass, messing up
leaf piles by jumping into them, etc.
~Chris

I tell them that I’m coming to their house for dinner and I plan to whine that I don’t like the beans and gag as I try to choke them down. I’ll make my visit the very evening that their new coffee table arrives. I’ll wear the biggest belt buckle that I can find , a belly-flop onto the table and slide the entire length of the table to leave a lovely gauge all the way down. I forgot to mention that as I enter, I’ll begin removing items of clothing. I’ll leave a trail of clothing throughout the house!
I also tell them how much I will miss them when they leave, so I’ll have to visit them often.
~Kellie