Question: How to Balance Family and Self-Employment?
I’d like to hear ideas from the FAMILYMEN out there, especially if you are self employed and especially if you work from home on what you do to balance work and family again “especially” if you are highly integrated with day to day (daily) family life. I help as much as I can, and, perhaps too much sometimes, taking our 6 yr old to kindergarten, our 4 yr old to preschool (3 days/wk) and help here and there with our (soon) 18 month old twin boys…thoughts? It’s getting tough to maintain the balance and succeed at work! May be time to draw some boundaries but I don’t want to miss it, either! HELP!! ~ Buddy
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We as a family own a garage and towing service that we run from our home. I still struggle with the same issues you talk about! I want to be more involved in their daily activities, but I own a 24 hr towing service! How can I do that? Here’s how we handle this, and we are by no means experts! If at all possible I take kids with me on some runs! Some times the whole family, but we also homeschool, so that helps us do that. On most occasions, however, I am forced to chose what to do. I try to pick the “important” things to attend, not to say they aren’t all important. We do schedule garage work around these activities! Put it all in Gods hands and he will guide you on which path you should take! Hand the whe situation over to him, and I promise, you will feel better about the whole thing!
Good luck to you sir! And God bless you and your family in your adventure we call life!
Sincerely, Ronnie
That doesn’t sound easy…but the BEST things never are!!!
Wow, I know what you’re feeling. I have 8 kids, 7 still at home. Of
those, the oldest is almost 13 and the youngest is just over 1. I work
from home and what I do is usually billed hourly, so I know I’m in a
situation where, if I don’t work, I don’t get paid, and time NOT spent
on working is readily obvious in both what gets done for my customers,
and hence what appears in my paycheck.
Balance is difficult. It’s a constant pushing and pulling. If you look
at how you balance when you stand, the muscles in your body are
constantly pulling one way or another, you’re body is never “static”
like a statue. It’s this type of balance which affects what happens in
your family & work life also. Because we’re men, we tend to
compartmentalize, we divide and conquer the tasks before us. So we see
it as “spend time with family” or “spend time working”. And we switch
from one to the other and back again, trying to “balance” it all.
I have been severely guilty, by far, of being too distracted with my
work. I work in the IT security field, and so my wife called it “the
digital distraction”. She could have put a bullet in my laptop on more
than one occasion and it would have been well-deserved.
As a man, I had to confront the issue head-on. It boiled down to a
single question. I have to remind myself of this question and re-decide
each day how I’m going to answer this question. The question was “Which
is more important? Having a family or having
money/things/career/whatever?” Each day I must decide this, and then
take the appropriate steps.
Yes, we do need to work. God commands us as men to work and support our
families, and that those who will not work should not eat. Pretty
simple, easy to follow. We as men often take this too far, however.
God gives us these commands only a few times in the Bible. We find that
God makes sure the stuff that’s really important gets repeated multiple
times. He knows we’re human, we need it to be repeated! Many more
times we are told to love our wives, love one another, live with your
wife in understanding, to train your children in the way they should
go. These commands come out LOTS more often than the commands to work.
At the same time, God’s promise is that he will supply all our NEEDS.
How we define our NEEDS is often the problem, but God knows what is
truly a need and what isn’t. Take a look at how people live, both
believer and non-believers alike, in places like India or Bangaladesh.
What you think you NEED is probably not even on their list of wants.
But God shall supply all your needs. If you’re working and doing it as
unto the Lord, you’re obeying His command in that area. It’s God’s
promise that he will take care of your needs. Much more numerous,
difficult and slippery are the commands to do things like “live with
your wives in understanding” and things like that.
I need to make a conscious decision every day. Many of my customers are
believers and/or missions organizations and respect the boundaries I
have put up to keep work out of family life. Other customers are not
believers at all, and in fact, one is a company made up entirely of
unmarried, unbeliever men with uttery no clue about family life. But in
both cases I make my boundaries clear, and I delineate for them what I
can or can’t do. Each day I decide which is more important. If I’m
working as unto the Lord, He will supply all my needs, and all the needs
of my family. It takes the pressure off of us as men. We think of
ourselves as “the provider”, and in some way we are by obeying God to
work and work as unto Hi, but truly the source of the work, the
customers, and the money is… God!
I had tried to work on my own from home several times before in years
past and always ended up having to go work for some other company. My
attempts to work from home then always failed, and failed big. God was
witholding the customers and the funds in those days. I think He was
waiting for me to grow up a bit and learn to trust Him a little better.
And then after plenty of stumbling and flopping around, somehow God
uncorked whatever was holding back the customers. I now have enough
customers to survive, at least at the moment, and He has been doing this
for the last 2 years. It could change at any moment, of course, but I
know better NOW after plenty of flailing, flopping, and floundering,
that He shall supply all my needs. The commands given to me are to love
and lead. And at some point I may end up back in a “regular” job again,
who knows, but God is the One who gives me customers, projects, and
things to work on. Rest in that. It’s not your job to get upset over
work, it’s your job to love and lead your family, and to do the work He
gives you to do as unto Him.
And, if I could add this, that another great refresher is to find a
babysitter and go away to a marriage conference. Do it. Take the
initiative and bring it up to her if she hasn’t already mentioned it.
If you don’t have the babysitters, time or money to get away right now
for a whole weekend, at least buy a marriage study and spend some real
good time with her, showing her that she’s top on your list. We have
done this a couple of times, and it’s extremely worthwhile.
Great stuff. Thanks for your perspective!
I have been self employeed and working from home for 10 years now. The early years the income wasnt much but the Lord has blessed it many times over. Though their have been ups and downs in income.
Its ALWAYS a struggle. We have 3 kids 8, 6,2.
I KNOW I have “left money on the table” so to speak. (of course it is God who blesses etc) but I have made decisions that I don’t need X$. If X$ means doing this much work or being away from family etc..
So we are ok with our income in that sense. We also didn’t go into a big home so we don’t have the larger expenses and don’t have an interest in fancy house. We have 1 car though we had 2 in the past and may in the future.
Now we aren’t hermits we spend money on things that work for us and our family. Currently in FL for 2 months getting out of the snow of MI. Swimming in pools with the kids rather then shoveling snow.
I would suggest sitting down and figuring out what you and your wife WANT/NEED. Because if its an expensive lifestyle etc.. Or luxury cars etc… Its going to mean more work. If its dinner time together every night then that puts the burden on others to cook etc..
so it can’t be just how you balance it as if its not part of you and your wife having the same vision it isn’t going to work.
In the past I have tried to shut the computer off at 4-5pm each night which works some nights but not all. Usually the biz isn’t going to blow up if you aren’t there for 3 hours but that is the way we feel sometimes.
Figure out what you and your wife want and need both financially, spirtually, time together and work on it together. Once you both are on the same page with your wants/needs you will both have a lot more grace when discussing these things etc…
Their are also seasons that may be super busy etc.. And if you have those things planned in advance she can see that she just needs to endure for a LITTLE while and when this passes over you can give extra time then etc…
Get on the same page will go a long way and you will find out what you really want/need vs what you THINK you do.
It helps to put in on paper as well so that you can remind each other of your wants and needs.
Great advice!!! And two months in Florida?? Sold me.
As a business owner, and a father I try to always set priorities.
I love my family but I understand the importance of having a successful business.
I make sure that I dedicate one day out of the month for my wife.
One day out of the month for my 18 year old son.
One day out of the month for my 8 year old daughter.
One day of the month for the family.
and One day out of the month for myself.
It sounds like if it’s not enough time but if your a business owner and a dad you’ll understand how hard it is to take off four days out of a month specifically for one person.
It shows each person in my family that they are important to me.
It teaches them the importance of quality time with family.
And yes I love having one day of the month to relax and just doing things that I love; fishing, going to a game, riding motorcycle, playing xbox, sleeping, having a romantic date with my wife, etc.
It helps me remember that the reason why I work so hard is so that we can enjoys each other and built unforgettable memories.
Blessings to you, and enjoy the blessing of spending time with your favorite people in the world.