The Really Important Stuff to Teach Your Sons
In my head I have been concocting a list of the most important stuff to teach your sons. Things like…
- how to flush a public toilet with your foot
- how to spray a stream of water with a garden hose by placing your thumb over the opening
- Crafting the perfect Smo’r
I know there are a lot more…so I need your input on the most important things to teach your sons.
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I have girls but how to bait a hook and how to take a fish off a hook are big son/daughter skills only dads can teach. I also like how to mow the lawn!
How to jump into a puddle to make the biggest splash. Including ways to direct the spray onto someone nearby.
Todd:
How about how to change out the guts of a toilet – you know the handle and valve that makes it flush?
Also, how to shoot a fire extinguisher? Just a couple ideas…
how to compliment their mother.
since you brought up toilets…how to aim.
how to redirect one’s eyes and thoughts.
how to respect females who don’t dress very respectably (in person, print, or in video form), but who are still loved by God as much as we are loved.
to open doors for the ladies and to look people in the eye when talking to them! A firm handshake is also important.
Many kids these days don’t know how to balance a checkbook, they don’t know anything about life insurance, credit, how the stock market works, or many other financial related things. They are essentials when they are on their own. Dads should teach them before they leave the nest.
How to cook meat just right on an outdoor grill.
How to use pressure points to keep bullies off you, and especially your sisters.
Run to the car ready for duty when mom pulls up with bags of groceries.
Good stuff lifelonglearner. My two cents is an addition to todds. how to enter and exit a public restroom without touching anything other than yourself with your bare hands.
How to change a tire on a car (even Queen Elizabeth changes her own! Look it up.)
Never hit a girl – I like the classics; but our “gender-neutral” new world has been changing that rule. Our sons need to know it. Plus today’s girls (and women) will hit them a lot, and a lot harder; they need to just take it “like a man.”
I wrote an article about this last year — mindsets, relationships with others, and specific skills. http://boldandgentle.blogspot.com/2009/07/what-fathers-should-teach-their-sons.html
How to spit,… and when not to.
How to hunt.
How to build and take down a fire.
How to pitch a tent.
How to clean a fish.
How to check the oil, tranny fluid, etc… in the car and add to (if needed).
How to clean the battery post on the car and prevent corrosion.
How to plant something and help it grow.
How to fix a flat on a bicycle.
1. How to trust the Lord in all circumstances(not easy).
2. That a job/chore isn’t just to be done but done well.
3. How to show respect for girls/women.
4. The proper way to use a sword, gun, light saber, etc.
To hold the door open for a lady and to stand up at the table until all the ladies are sitting down first
How to set a hook!
Being a Man sometimes means walking away from a fight…and sometimes walking into one.
They need to know how to throw a baseball, build a fire and shoot snot out of their nose when there is no tissue.
How to paint, including how to clean and store the paint brush after the job is done.
How to belch on command, how to spit the sunflower seed shells out without looseing the seed and how to get the mud off your boot in the grass are all esential man skills, but knowing how to appologize when you mess up is most valuable.
– How to decide when to turn the other cheek & when to defend sibling/friends like a rabid wolverine. – How to use the left jab…and when not to. – The reality of the men and fathers who fought and died so we can worship the Lord as we please…and how fast that can go away. – How to step up and be a leader…most people need you to do so. – How to be a sheepdog, not a wolf or a sheep.
Thanks Guys I got a lot of great ideas from you all. I would like to add the rules of a gentelmen.. 1) Ladys First 2) NEVER hit Ladys 3)Alway treat your Mother with respect. My oldest son is only 3 so that is all we have for now, but I am sure that list will grow.
How to promote family (and future marital) harmony by putting the lid down.
When and how to wear and remove a hat or cap.
How to tie a tie.
How to pitch a tent, tie knots, and leave an area you’ve used better than you found it.
How to use and care for a knife.
How to safely deal with electricity (outlets, switches, breakers, extension cords).
How to safely deal with fire (matches, lighters, candles, camp-fires, grills).
I like firm handshake
Also, how to defend the defenseless (like his sister or mother)
How to be thankful for the things they have, not getting bummed out because the kid down the street has a faster go kart.
I think boys need to know how to do laundry, clean bathrooms, and cook. Then they realize the work their mom (or dad) does for them, will likely change their behavior to make such jobs easier (see aiming above), and someday respect their wives when they do these things and be equipped to share the work. Personally I’m the best husband for my wife when I’m neck deep in clean laundry.
As near as I can figure, there are three things every son needs to know:
1) “For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”
John 3:16-21 [ESV]
2) “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:13-16 [ESV]
3) When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
John 19:30 [ESV]
Everything else is just small stuff and goes without saying…‘cause HE is “da DAD!!!”
How to be a good sport.
How to encourage and build others up.
How to be selfless and serve.
To learn that everything in life is temporary – your schooling, your job, your next job, you’re annoying siblings (and parents), and to always be preparing yourself for the next step.
Thumb wrestling
Arm Wrestling
Holding the door for females
Leaving a really long skid mark with your bike
Blowing Bubbles with gum
Shooting rubberbands
Effective negotiating
Secrets of selling (we’re always selling)
Boxing basics
Knowing when to walk away from a fight
Laughing at yourself
Camping basics
A firm handshake
The power of an apology
Saving money and compound interest
Real value and opportunity cost
Staying afloat in the deep end for 30 minutes or more
The perfect “cannonball”
Stick up for your little brother
Knowing when enough is enough.
How to build fires
How to tie knots
How to safely handle, operate, and maintain firearms
How to clean a fish
How to field dress and butcher a deer
One more thing,
As a nice little diversion from the traditional evening storytime, I often pull out the Life’s Little Instruction Book series and read through a half dozen or so with a full explanation and personal examples. It’s a nice way to give basic guidance to your boys and demonstrate some of the experiences you’ve had in your life (just in case your boys think they know everything too).
Since bathroom manners ARE a daily-do here’s my addition that my wife and daughters are extremely thankful for: My mom taught us boys (5 with 2 sisters) to SIT down on the toilet always. Even a good aim-er leaves drips! This is a good point around which to teach our boys DEFERENCE since maybe they think it’s more fun standing. It’s not difficult to sit so it’s just a matter of changing a habit or establishing it from the get-go.
I believe it’s important for boys to know about professional sports — at least on a cursory level — so that they can talk reasonably intelligently about them. They don’t need to know the finer points of what a defensive end in football does, or when it’s appropriate to use the 2-1-2 defense in basketball, or when a manager should or should not use the squeeze play in baseball, but they should understand the basic rules of the game so they can carry on a conversation with another guy.
I also believe it’s important to understand logic — as in mathematics. The point is not always in getting the right answer (although that is important), but it is often more important to understand how you arrived at that answer. The logic is what’s important.
A firm handshake – Make a gun with your shaking hand. By extending your pointer finger, it makes the rest of your hand firm up. No more wimpy hands.
To have integrity in all areas.
To keep your word
Finish tasks – even when extra is needed
Most of all – remember to show love to God and others in all your actions.
I know how to tune a TV but how do you teach your son how to tuna-fish?
You know how terrible the magazines in the checkout lane of the grocery store are? I teach my son to look at their shoes to keep from stumbling.
I have girls, so the sons I hope to meet one day will have a rich history of prayerful, spirit-led decision making.
How to change a flat tire.
How to put a Christmas tree in a stand and keep it from falling over.
How washing your car by hand you can always do a better job than taking it to the car wash.
To kiss your wife and kids goodby when you leave for work before they are even thinking about waking up and to kiss your wife when you get home.
To know that you love your children with all your heart but you loved Mom first and that your relationship with her is sacred. It will only be the two of you when the kids leave.
To pray with your children
How to belch words, my 11 year old got his first full word out the other day, he couldn’t wait to tell me much to the displeasure of his mom.
Always notice and show respect for those in front, beside, and behind you. When walking through the parking lot to and from the store, pay attention to your surroundings. Take a couple carts in that others left in empty parking spaces. Help a lady or senior unload those heavy items from their cart and then offer to return the cart for them.
– How to use a turniquet – How to listen – When to speak – How to edify others – Why Christ died for you – How to be geniune – How to fix any leak – When to ask for help
How to act around a girl, whether you want her to like you or not.
Basic bachelor cooking skills: He should be able to cook at least 2 weeks worth of meals (with no repeats!) from scratch. Eggs, pasta, baked potatoes, steak, etc.
Basic car maintenance: checking (and adding, as needed) all fluids and gases necessary; how to safely change a tire
How to drive in snow.
How to draw and take good photos.
I think it’s important to teach them the things mentioned above. And as we teach, to assure them that they are able and capable. Affirm to them that they have what it takes. (see John Eldridge’s book “Wild at Heart”).
How to change your own brake pads,
How to keep your cool and eyes on god in all circumstances.
I agree with what a lot of others have said, but this is very important:
How to swim
Which tools you should always have around,
How to improvise when you do not have those tools,
and that anything you borrow should go back in better condition then you got it.
Honor, Duty, and to persevere. What these mean and how to get there. and one more thing What it means to do everything as unto the Lord. It isn’t just getting the task done to get it done but, getting it done as if you were doing it for the Lord of Lords and Kings of Kings who died for you, himself. So when God places you in a job where everyone is hostile toward you for who you are in Christ you can do your job in excellence because you are doing it for God. not the Pay check or the “boss”. I often ask my son in “our” wood shop is that what you want to give to God? sometimes it is an awesome piece of work and he knows the feeling of a job well done, having given his best and all to the task. Sometimes like me …not so much.
These are broad categories, but here they are:
1. Believe on and grow in your love for Jesus Christ
2. Be a gentle man toward parents,siblings, wife,children,friends,those in need and enemies.
3. Have a servant’s heart
4. Work hard and smart in school, work, and your gifts
5. Stand strong for what is right and resist what is wrong.
6. Keep your eyes on things that have eternal impact and mostly off of things that don’t.
If you do not follow these, you could end up being: – A lonely and hopeless man – A hateful and angry man – A harsh man – A man thinking only of himself – A man swayed by the crowd or the pressure of the day – A man who gives in easily to temptation and wrongdoing – A lazy man unable to take care of his family – A man living only for the present with no thought of the future or his accountability to God
HOW TO BE A BETTER MAN THAN I
TO TRULY BE DA’DAD/FAMILYMAN
TO HAVE ALL MY STRENGTHS AND NON OF MY WEAKNESSES
TO BE THE ONE WHO STANDS UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT
ALL THE OTHER FUN STUFF THAT MAKES BEING A MAN SO GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!
how to discharge a fire extinguisher in the appropriate manner….NOT in their bedroom the night before christmas!
I just got married a little over a month ago and wanted to share (to date) what have been the most valuable skills my parents instilled in me:
1. Choose your battles wisely; some just aren’t worth fighting, and in the end winning may have been based on your pride rather than what was right or wrong.
2. Cherish and treasure all women, but especially your wife – they’re all daughters of the King, and you don’t want to get HIM upset at you!
3. While it’s important to have the “manly” skills, learn some good homemaking skills like ironing, cooking, cleaning, dishwashing. Hey, if your better half makes the meals, you oughta be able to wash the dishes for her. Oh, and if you see something at the house that needs doing (from refilling the Brita Purifier to rinsing out the hair in the tub), just do it. Solve problems before they arise.
4. Servant leadership. Do what’s best for the other person, whether that means meeting their needs or confronting them on something. That’s the true nature of love.
5. Work diligently and honestly – not only does it gain favor with employers and colleagues, but it represents Christ.
6. Talk. A lot. But know when to shut up. 90% of problems arise from not honestly and discerningly communicating your thoughts and listening to other’s thoughts (with the goal of understanding them). Your wife, your kids, your friends and your family NEED to know your thoughts and how much you love them. And they need someone to patiently seek to understand them as well.
7. Laugh – more at yourself than anyone else. View yourself humbly and honestly; don’t take yourself too seriously.
8. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Everything else MUST stem from that.
I’ve got 5 boys and one sweet, extremely outnumbered daughter. They range from 14 to 4 months. Here’s a few things I’ve recently taught my boys.
How to jump start a car.
How to hammer a nail the right way.
To know the difference between a ratchet, a socket, a crescent wrench, a nut, a bolt, a screw etc…
How to drive a stick shift.
How to clean a shot gun.
How to hook up a TV/DVD/surround system.
In our house, we have “Man Rules” Like Rule # 1—Never mess with another man’s food.
Rule #2—Never kick a man when he’s down.
Rule # 3—Always look a man in the eye and give him a firm hand shake.
This list is ever growing. My boys have added their own when the situation calls for it, as have I. It’s important to take the time and teach our boys how to be men…Godly men. It’s sometimes easier to just do things ourselves, but it pays in the end when we teach them how to do all the things listed above, and we usually end up learning more about them and gaining a little patience in the process.
I have not seen these:
1. walk on stilts
2. lead a meeting (agenda, direct conversation, listen, document, etc.)
3. prepare and lead a bible study
How die to self.
How to daily take up your cross
How to make your wife the most important person in the world.
How to stand up for and defend those in our world who are most vulnerable.
How to associate with others with different beliefs yet maintain the true faith.
How to shoot the paper off of straws at restaurants.
And to teach his children how!
To love his wife as Christ loves the church.
To wait for the wife that God has for him.
To pray with and for his family.
God first, family next, then everything else.
Tithe on all monies that come to him.
Yes, love all of these…
“Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation”
How to shuffle a deck of cards
I would suggest “The Dangerous Book for Boys” it is awesome and every boy should know how to send a coded message in Navajo. (We have done birthday parties from this book with other dads invited to participate…both dads and boys still talk about it!)
How to serve others…even when you are hungry and exhausted from work.
…to remain teachable throughout his life.
…to receive criticism without taking offense.
…to laugh it off when maligned by lesser men.
…to live for the joy, rather than to avoid the pain.
…to live for righteousness, not just to avoid sin.
Always remember who you are and WHOs YOU ARE !!!
..How to pump gas so they can do it for Mom
..How to make a paper airplane
..How to change a flat tire
..How to properly hook up jumper cables
Can a mother respond? With 2 boys manners is at the top of the list. (Besides being God fearing)
1. To open doors for women. Even car doors.
2. To carry a pocket knife.
3. To love babies.
4. To hold babies.
5. To pull a trailer.
Learn how to communicate well
Learn respect
High work ethic
Leadership skills in the home