Vasectomy – one dad’s story
This week’s show is about a dad who had a vasectomy and then eight years later, had a reversal. It’s a powerful story, filled with emotion and challenge. If you’re thinking about doing it…or un-doing it, you should listen. Know a dad who might be thinking of the BIG V? Pass it along.
PS – Micheal Kosto’s son, Matthew is the kid at the end of the commercial who knuckle bumps Mickey!!!
This week’s show is sponsored by…
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Great episode. I’ve never considered getting a vasectomy but this will helpful if anyone comes to me asking what they should do. It’s nice to have another tool in the tool belt when someone is asking me for advice.
Great story, I’m praying for you and your family that you and your wife will conceive again. I had a V after our forth child was born. I thought my wife was on board but found out later she was not. I had a reversal about 4 years later. Two months later my wife was pregnant with our 5 child. I’m now the proud “Dad” of six, and I can’t imagine my life without ALL my kids.
My story is very similar to Michael’s. Our third child was born in January of 2000. We had a four bedroom house. So we were logistically full. In November of 2001, months after 9/11, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. It scared us and caused us to evaluate what the rest of our lives would look like with this disease. One of those “insights” was that having more children could be a risk. If something were to happen to me, my wife would be left with more children and without a father. We knew of some Crohn’s patients who had died from complications of the disease, but not the disease itself.
In February of 2002, I had the “V” done. My father-in-law seemed to approve as he said three was plenty and he had it done himself. So if you will, I had the approval of him and many of my friends. It seemed socially acceptable. I was satisfied with the decision for several years.
In 2004, my father-in-law died from a massive heart attack. With the inheritance, I had enough money to pay off my house (and living in California, that’s a big deal). Instead, we choose to make memories. My Crohn’s disease seemed to be managed, so we decided to buy an RV and travel frequently. We did this for many years.
In 2008, we, my wife and I, had a spiritual cocoon moment. It was really about what we had been taught in our church over a 12 year period. We had been deceived about the gospel and many other foundational doctrinal issues. We were not discipled properly. We weren’t growing and maturing as we should. We had bought into the “mega-church” mentality and presented our family as a perfect family in the country club atmosphere.
As I “re-learned” the gospel and what it was that God has called us to. I also realized a proper view of marriage and of family. Voddie Baucham had a video series called Legacy. It got my attention. It pointed out the true purpose of marriage – illustration and procreation. Marriage is to illustrate that relationship between Christ and His Bride. The other is to have children. I realized that we had been taught wrongly about family and children – from within the Christian Church. Simply, children are a gift from God.
I now tell my younger colleagues at work the following, “It is more important what they put on your tombstone, than anything you can put on your resume.”
Longer story, now condensed, we used some of the inheritance to have a reversal in May of 2009. As Michael Kosto described, it was delicate surgery and a delicate recovery. However, with my Crohn’s disease, our friends thought I was having a flare-up, so I was able to disguise our decision and recovery.
Fast forwarding through the credits now, in March of 2010, we had friends over to play cards. On the first hand, I dealt the cards and threw an ultrasound picture onto the table. They quickly compounded the synapses and realized what had taken place. We spent the rest of the evening discussing the process. For our three older children, we showed them the ultrasound the evening before. They thought it was of one of them. When I told them it was their new baby brother or sister, they were elated. One was hoping for twins. I told her the surgeon was not that good. They knew that I had a procedure done (limited details) and that I had a second to reverse it.
In closing, I’m glad that the surgery was done to me and that is was correctable. If it had been done on my wife, it would be irreversible. I encourage those that are desiring to have children, and can’t (either physically or surgically), to consider adoption. God adopted us. For those considering to “take control” of this area of your life to prayerfully consider what God has called you to do.
As of January 2015, we have five children – Michael, 19 – Ashlyn, 16 – Kiersten, 15 (today) – Timmy, 4 – Joshua, 2. Lord willing there will be more, but that is in God’s hands. We seek to serve him, honor him, and glorify him.
Psalm 127:3-5 – Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” == When I go into battle, I want as many arrows as possible.
Thank you for bringing this subject to the masses. There are now several men I know who have had the reversal and now have their own “half-generations,” or as we like to call it, the Joshua generation.
Here’s to quiver filling,
Will
We have five beautiful children and would have welcomed more gladly. In our case it was not safe for me to have more babies. The chance of death for a baby at birth was almost sure and the chance for me was great as well. After much prayer we made decided to have a vasectomy. It was not easy, but we had peace. We would never have done this if not for the safety issue.
We highly recommend that couples let the Lord give them as many blessings as He chooses.
Micheals story sounds exactly like our story. We have recently brought home one of our children to homeschool and we are praying for the financial means to have a vasectomy reversal. We needed to hear this encouragement.
Thank you approaching this topic. We had kids when we were young and despite the fact that we were supporting ourselves and caring for our kids, we were VERY pushed, even by our church, to not have more children. With each child, they got more and more negative. By the time our youngest was born, people were flat our rude even meeting her the first time. It was very sad. Finances were tight but God fills in the gaps of the needs but we made the decision a flawed decision to have a vasectomy.
Several years ago, God started to reveal the error in our ways. A reversal was done a few years ago but it was unsuccessful. It’s a very sad circumstance. Far too often, we make long term decisions based on very short term circumstances and later greatly regret it.
I hear what you are saying, and we need to make sure we have God’s view towards kids not the worlds view. Someone once told me its not about if you should use birth control. Its about who is in control, you or God. With that said we have had six kids three boys, and three girls. Each pregnancy was very difficult for my wife. She would be very sick, low on energy, there were times that she collapsed, and had to be on bed rest. Even after the baby came it would be a long slow process to recover. My wife did not have the energy to be a mom to the other children we had. Several times she has on the edge of emotional and physical collapses. Numerous times her body would lose motor control and she could not move till it passed. Twice she fell and hit her head and hurt her back. I had to take her to the hospital. The doctors could never find anything wrong other than to tell us my wife needed rest, her body needed time to heal. She was not getting the rest she needed by being pregnant and rising kids at the same time. I tried to get her the help she needed but short of staying home full time myself, and there were many days that I did not work and stayed home. But there was that message kids are a blessing, don’t hold back the Lords blessings, have a full quiver, your are a better Christian with the more kids you have, its up to us to populate heaven. So we kept going. At some point some times you need to think about stopping. I want my kids to have a mother that is not drained. My five oldest have all told my wife please don’t have anymore kids its like we don’t have a mom when you are pregnant. I love my kids and Iam glad for each one. It has been four years since our youngest one was born. Just the six takes a lot out of my wife, but what a difference with not being pregnant as well. I have gotten my wife back and the kids their mom. We have been praying about the big V for the last 3 years, and are thinking about moving forward with it. Seeking to be who I am in Christ
I once was told I had a “Rich Man’s family”- 2 kids, older boy, younger girl.
My wife and I decided since we had replaced ourselves, the “responsible” thing to do would be to have a vasectomy. Actually, that’s not entirely true. We were headed to the mission field, and neither one of us knew how to handle our sexuality. I wanted more frequent relations, and thought I might “get more” if there was no risk of pregnancy. I learned many years later that she was deeply afraid of being pregnant in a foreign country. We both were so wrong, and sinful.
Wow. That hurt even saying it. We were a disaster, and there we were heading to the mission field to try to minister to other people.
Needless to say, our intimate life didn’t improve. We went for years and years, feeling more and more numb and cold toward each other physically.
It was nearly 10 years later, when God put in my heart a desire for more children. Well, I always had a desire, but I thought we would adopt. But this was clear, strong, and really overwhelming. I wanted more children of MY OWN.
I prayed. I wept. I became really consumed with the desire, and deep regret.
Eventually I shared my feelings with my wife, and she told me she felt the same way. We prayed for weeks, and the feeling kept getting stronger.
Finally, I went to see a urologist about a reversal. He told me that although the initial procedure was a simple snip-snip in the doctor’s office for a modest fee (I walked home that day), the reversal was an entirely different procedure. It was a hospital stay under general anesthetic, and would cost over $25,000. Additionally, he told me that no insurance policy would cover it- it was elective surgery. I was broken hearted. There was absolutely no way we could ever afford that.
I went home and told my wife we would have to rely on the miraculous intervention of the Lord. We prayed, and tried, but both felt defeated.
A couple of days later, we were at a church potluck. A friend who was sitting across the table from me started talking out of the blue about some doctor she had heard of in MS who was doing vasectomies as a ministry for $1000. I couldn’t believe my ears. First off, I was pretty unaccustomed to nice church ladies talking about vasectomies with me in church! But she was speaking right into my soul, and I was stunned.
I called him the next day, and made an appointment. A couple weeks later I was boarding a plane to fly to an unknown doctor in MS to stitch me back together.
His office was small- like a dentist’s office in a converted residence with a long hall and a few exam rooms. I couldn’t help but notice the hall walls were covered with photos from floor to ceiling the entire length- all post-procedure babies. I was really overwhelmed- none of these children would be here except for his ministry.
He kept the costs down by doing the procedure in his office under a local anesthetic. It was weird- he joked with me while doing the surgery. Then, he checked me into a local hotel. He had trained the hotel staff in how to care for his patients post procedure, and about the wonders of frozen peas. I stayed there 3 days while the wonderful hotel staff took care of me- it was completely bizarre.
The doctor told me the statistics were not very good. It had been a very long time since my vasectomy. He also told me to refrain from relations for 30 days. We spent a lot of time praying.
My son Joshua Caleb was born exactly 30 days + 9 months later! He’s 16 now, and sometimes I still look at him and can’t believe he is the wonderful child I spent 10 years not wanting.
We now have 5 children + a son and daughter-in-love!
But we have much, much more…
We have a restored intimate relationship, forgiveness for our selfishness and faithlessness, and most importantly, a God who loves us unconditionally, beyond anything we ever could have imagined.
NOW I am a RICH man!
I needed to share this, because there is someone out there like me. I know there are sometimes reasons to make hard decisions, but PLEASE don’t choose the selfish easy ones. There is so much you may miss if you fail to trust God.
Thanks for your ministry, Todd, and for listening to a blessed man share.