Caring for Your Family After You Die

I emailed her back and asked if there was anything I could do for her and she responded, “One thing you could do is get the word out to dads about providing for their families in the event of their death.”

I asked her for specifics and this is what she wrote:

1. A will. I know this should go without saying, but when money is tight, spending that extra $200-$300 to have a will done seems like an extravagance. My husband and I had this conversation every year and every year we put it off. We had to go to extreme measures to get it done one day before he died. At the minimum, you can do a holographic will and have it notarized at little cost. The legal red tape a wife will have to go through without a will is horrific. Don’t add to her pain and grief. Additionally, knowing a good will/estate/probate attorney would be to the couples’ benefit. It is quite hard to hire these people when you are grieving.

2. Life insurance. This is a two-parter. First, my husband had a nice group life insurance policy through work. However, we should each have had a separate term life insurance outside of that to pay for funeral expenses. Funeral homes do not bill to group policies and as I discovered, many funeral homes require payment in full 24 hours before the funeral. I did not have that kind of money on hand and was utterly devastated trying to figure out what to do 24 hours after my husband’s death. I was ready to max out credit cards and sell everything I had to come up with the money. Fortunately for me, a family from church offered to pay for the funeral until I received the life insurance money.

Now, as my life insurance was through my husband’s policy, I lost it upon his death. I have to obtain a separate policy for the benefit of the kids.

Second, you need to decide on a life insurance amount that can provide income for your family based on your goals. As we are a homeschooling family, we decided on the amount based on how many years I would continue to be out of the work force. We did not calculate in me and the kids receiving Social Security income to help. The other factors to remember are giving your spouse the ability to pay off the mortgage if there is one and the fact that your spouse will have to purchase health insurance. Then there’s all the unexpected expenses, like cars or furnaces breaking, etc. I was informed by all the financial advisors I interviewed that I needed to think of myself as a retired person on a fixed income. The amount of life insurance a husband gives his wife will ease her ability to continue living life without fear of financial ruin.

3. Choose a good financial advisor together as a couple. This was an item on the to-do list that didn’t get done before my husband died as we were supposed to have two years to fight this cancer. The wife needs to be able to work with them. Now, we had no money to invest prior to my husband’s death. I couldn’t have told you about all the things I learned in the last 80 days. It would have been easier to learn them prior to trying to do this in the face of grief. I interviewed 4 different planners twice before deciding. The first visits are all free and they can simply help you with doing better on your monthly budget. A good financial advisor should be willing to teach you, listen, and put all of the information out there for you in writing so you can pray about it, seek wise council from others, and make decisions.

(a note to wives) A couple needs to know every part of their finances. I failed on this after God sent us miracle baby 3. I was too busy trying to do life. I was making my husband tell me passwords and such as he was dying. Now I’m playing catch up.

4. A handy-man that can be hired. My husband, like a lot of men, did most of the repairs around the house. We only hired out when needed. A lot of men in our church offered to help after my husband died, but when I tried to schedule them, they were too busy. They have families too. I found a great handy man who was willing not to overcharge me. I’m trying to learn some things now I wish I knew before. I still have yet to locate the main water supply in the house in case I need to turn it off. Or another way to say that, have your husband teach you and the kids how to repair things.

** a note form Todd – Dad, take note of #4. Maybe there is a widow who needs your help. Maybe you could organize a group of guys to help a widow while she figures out some more permanent measures.

Dad, if you need to take care of some of those items…then do it. You never know when God will call you home. Planning and preparing for your death is just another way of providing and loving your wife and family. So DO IT!!!!

 

PS – Here is some more advice from State Farm agent and Familyman, John Tyler Carlson…

A few things about working with a funeral home:

1. The funeral homes I have worked with will place a “lien” against the life insurance…which will allow the life insurance company to pay the funeral home directly.  In fact, in one situation, I heard from the funeral home about my customer’s death before I heard from the family.  The beneficiary will have to sign authorization for this to happen…but it shouldn’t be a big deal.

2. State Farm is known for how quickly they process a Life Claim.  Once we have a death certificate, I will have the check in my hands within 24-48 hours.

3. Guessing a funeral home will accept credit card, which should provide time for the family to access the life insurance benefits

4. If they are true Dave Ramseyites…and don’t use credit cards…then they should have the Emergency Fund to float the time.