What’s the Deal with the Dad in the Dress??
Hey Dad,
In last week’s Familyman Weekly I included a picture of a dad in a super dad cape. A day or so later I got this email from a fellow familyman: “I am emailing you because I took interest in the “Dad superhero cape” featured in the picture at the bottom of this newsletter. You said, “I got to get me one of these”. I got curious where one could acquire such a cape and Google searched the words ” Dad superhero cape”. The entire results page of that Google search only gave me one article featured by multiple bloggers etc.
…I was saddened by this Dad’s approach to what he thinks is love and support toward his own son. I am curious what you would have to say in response to the article. And I wanted to point out how it is alarming that the Google search I did only netted me this particular article…”
The article in question described a young boy (not more than 6 years old) who likes wearing dresses in public, and about his ‘brave’ dad who decided to wear dresses as a way to encourage his son’s decision and ‘different way of dress.’
So, here’s what I would say on the subject…
First of all I would applaud any dad who would go to the extreme of ‘unconfortableness’ in order to be a good dad and protect his son or daughter. To the dad who shaves his head because his daughter lost hers during chemotherapy I say, “Way to go!!!” To the father who spills water in his lap after his son’s public ‘accident’ I say, “You’re awesome!!” To the dad who shaves a bald spot on the side of his head because of his son’s bad haircut I say, “You’re MY hero!”
BUT to the dad who wears a dress because his son wants to wear dresses I say, “What are you stupid?!”
Secondly, I want to be gracious, not knowing all the reasons…maybe the little boys legs hurt when material chafes against them or his skin burst into hives…or some other medical condition that seems to evade meright now. But if it’s just because the kid wants to wear dresses…I think he’s stupid for playing along.
For the record I believe that it is wrong for boys and men to wear women’s clothing. Now I’m no legalist or against having fun. I’ve seen men dress up in ‘dresses’ for skits in church and I don‘t make a bee-line to thump them with my Bible. So don’t read into this…BUT here’s the deal: The Bible says this about the clothes we wear, “A woman shall not wear man’s clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.” (Deuteronomy 22:5)
I didn’t say it or write it…God did. That’s just the way it is. Now don’t try to get me into some kind of line drawing between what makes men’s and women’s clothes. I know it can get a little foggy at times. At different times in history some of men’s clothes looked like dresses and today some of women’s clothes look like men’s…BUT there is a difference.
In fact, my kids know the difference. They’ll see a man or women in “opposite clothes” and say, “Is that a boy or a girl?”
So as far as ‘is it OK for men to where dresses?’ I believe the Bible says, “No. It’s not OK.” That’s what I would say as well, “No. It’s not OK for men to wear dresses.”
How about little boys? Let me just say, all of my boys have worn dresses…to dress up in. My little boys have appeared in pink tutus, ballerina costumes, and silly girl’s stuff. I usually laugh and let it go.
BUT if it lasts for more than a few minutes I say, “You look silly, but boys don’t wear dresses. Go put on some boy clothes.” I’m not afraid that my kids are exhibiting feminine traits or angry for what they had on, but I know that little things can become big things…if you just let them go. Besides it allows me to teach my children, even from a young age, what is right.
That’s what dads do: we train our children in godly living. So when they say ugly things to their siblings (and mine do) I correct them. When they take something that doesn’t belong to them (and mine do) I correct them. When they say something they shouldn’t (and mine do) I correct them. AND when my sons wear dresses (and mine do) I correct them.
Any child allowed to do ALL they want and desire is DOOMED. That’s why God gave them dads and moms.
And guess what? It’s a lot easier to deal with those issues when they’re six than when they’re sixteen.
You ‘da Dad,
Todd
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Excellent answer!!!
This guy needs to know the difference between having to drag your son, and having your son in drag. Seriously, we cannot continue denying the differences that God intented between boys and girls, man and woman, and right and wrong. Each one of these breaks the family down further. No nation has ever continued to be great when the FAMILY structure was not strong. God, please forgive us and let us repent and restore Your name and /laws in our country.
Turn on any morning “news” show or any daytime talk show and they will be discussing the differences between men and women. They all recognize there is a difference between the ways men and women perceive, relate, and react. Yet when it comes to other issues, like appropriate clothing, we try to ignore it and pretend there are no gender differences at all. Thanks for reminding us there is a standard and it’s in the Bible. The Bible also writes this sad epitaph on Israel in the time of the Judges, “Every man did what was right in his own eyes.” There are objective standards and we are not free to choose whatever we might.
What about women wearing pants? Pants used to be only worn by men. Just wondering.
Hey Donna, My wife had a struggle early on with not submiting to God and refusing to not wear pants. Eventually she found His will for her (can be different for each of us) and now never wears pants. That is obedience for her. Hope this helps.
SPOT ON!
If you are going to pick one law out of Deuteronomy as an example indicating that we should follow all of the laws in the Bible, I challenge you to try following all of the laws in just that one book for 30 days. Then I invite you to rethink this approach. Good luck.
We now know that the law was primarily a device to show us that we are not worthy of the grace that eventually restores us to the King through Christ’s resurrection. That said, the heart of the law and indeed, Deuteronomy 22:5, is still relevant. And that is exactly what Todd has represented. Men and women are different by God’s design. Draw the line where ever you think is appropriate… but there is a line and I’ll be listening to the Spirit to show me where it should be, and that starts with the Word of God.
Amen!!!
Agreed – Todd has offered sound, biblical counsel. God’s kind of love always confronts with the truth (Eph. 4:15). That is because Jesus, who “first loved us” (I John 4:19), came to “set at liberty them that are bruised” (Luke 4:18). It is ONLY the knowledge of the Truth of God’s Word, embodied in the perfection and righteousness of our Lord Jesus Christ, that will truly set us free from the dominion of the evil one (John 8:32, Col. 1:13-14).
Jesus left us with this simple, all-inclusive commandment: “‘Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself'” (Luke 10:27). In Leviticus 19:17-18 we’re instructed, “Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.” (NIV) I believe this says that one of the ways I love my neighbor as myself is not by loathing him, but by addressing and reproving the sin in his life that is destroying him. Even though the world might scream “politically incorrect,” my failure to bring God’s Word to bear and share righteous instruction (II Tim. 3:16) is actually a passive act of hatred.
Psalms 97:10 & Proverbs 8:13 state unequivocally that those who love the Lord and reverentially fear Him must hate evil just as much as God does. I am not ready to say that we walk up to a complete stranger and tell him he is inappropriately dressed, for example. Nevertheless, where we have earned the right to speak into someone’s life, as Jesus did with the woman at the well (John 4:15-18), our fear of the Lord should outweigh the fear of man (which brings a snare – Prov. 29:25 – cf. Ps. 118:8) and we should be motivated – by our love for both God and brother or neighbor – to graciously point the way OUT of the devil’s trap.
Finally, there are those who may have been led to believe the lie that God created some people to be “different” in ways that the Bible clearly condemns as harmful. If that were so, then God would Himself be unjust to prohibit or outlaw that style of life, and His eternal Word would be invalid. Again, let us have ears to hear and receive the Truth, so that we and our fellow man might not stumble in darkness but walk at liberty in His marvelous Light (Ps. 119:45, I Peter 2:9).
Forever, O LORD, Your word is settled in heaven. (Ps. 119:89)
He is the Rock, His work is perfect: for all His ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is He. (Deut. 32:4)
1 John 1:5-2:5
This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.
And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him.
I agree with the gist of your answer, and I don’t think you even need to go as far as quoting the Bible. Quoting Deuteronomy, in this case, is a problem because some people will respond by saying, “but doesn’t it also prohibit the eating of shell fish?” I think a simple, common sense argument is enough. Aristotle says that wisdom comes only from experience—and children have no experience. In other words, children generally have poor judgment. Couple this with the fact that children are also generally narcissistic, and it is easy to understand how a little boy can confuse his attraction for a beautiful little girl in a pretty dress or the attention she gets with the desire to wear a pretty dress himself and thereby become the object of attraction himself. All of this can happen unconsciously and in just a few seconds. (And just to be clear, I am not talking about sexual attraction or desire.) In short, a parent’s job is to very carefully nurture and prune, not to indulge the growth of any and every random branch or weed.
The thing I think you need to keep in mind, Todd, is that what you modeled here will be repeated by many dads who read your post. Granted that, I think you might take a more politic tone. In your current tone, you’re just preaching to the choir.
I am really pleased by your answer too…not that I like it, but that we used the Bible for a moral compass instead of our own preference. I wish every Christian would take it to the next level concerning living for God. 70 percent of teens and young adults leave church never to return because they see double standards everywhere. We have to give them something to believe in and demonstrate that we truly believe it demonstrated by our walk. Unfortunately, Christians today want a watered down version of separation. Thank you for your answer, Todd. By the way, legalism is so grossly over used and used incorrectly today. People would call me legalist, but I add nothing to God’s grace for salvation.
I would have to agree – cross dressing doesn’t lead to anything healthy and with all the perversion we’ve got going on in this country, you’d figure as a parent you would want to steer as far away from things that are questionable as possible. Seriously, a six year old that wants to wear dresses? I’d have to ask who is raising him and what media has he been exposed to. There’s no way the little boy just decided to do this himself; there’s an influence and I suspect a setup just for some twisted liberal point.
I agree with u family man, Gods word!!! My boys & little girl know whats right & not right. Theyll show anybody the scripture to.. Ding Ding Ding parents, their learning. & were teaching.. Through Christ..
Todd,
I agree with your reasoning. I also agree with another point of view about one law vs all the laws. I just think that there is an effort to confuse gender identity. I have read that currently in some scandinavian county, they are currently using the term hens instead of boy or girl, in the public schools. I do not know if that is true, I have never been there. The bottom line is that I feel that GOD created male and female for a reason. Gender identity confustion is one more step down a slippery slope. And yes, I also believe GOD created the hens! Thanks!
Carl, your making a mistake way too common amongst evangelicals. While the ceremonial law is done away with in Christ, most of Deuteronomy is still applicable for us today. You won’t be saved by following it, only Christ can do that. But remember that Jesus did not come to abolish the law, but to uphold and fulfill it. We may find some grey areas in the ceremonial vs. moral law, like, should Christians get tattoos? Is that a moral or ceremonial command? We might have different ideas. The passage Todd sighted is completely unambiguous. It is taught throughout scripture starting with Genesis 1 – “He created them male and female” and into the New Testament (read Romans 1). In an age of gender confusion, we need to set a godly example of Christ-like masculinity for our children. That’s not a macho tough-guy masculinity, but a leader of the family who serves his kids and lays down his life for his wife.
Great response! Thanks for your courage and common sense.
My youngest son would like to dress up in women’s clothes from time to time (usually when friends came over and they would play dress up w/ silly clothes). I thought it was cute at first, but after a while I had to bite my tongue. I eventually told him that Christian boys dont wear women’s clothes in real life, and had to explain about what the Bible says about it and how real men wear it now. He understood why I didnt approve of it. He eventually outgrew it year before last…kg
My son had a purse phase. He decided he wanted to carry one of his mom’s old purses everywhere. Sure, I was red faced for a bit while I walked through wal-mart with my son carrying his accessory. I then decided not to make a big deal about it either way. The phase lasted maybe two weeks and he was over it. Now, he’s almost seven and is usually in his power rangers or spiderman costume when they (he and his TWO SISTERS) play dress up. Every now and then I’ll see him in one of the girls dresses and laugh because he’s laughing as well as if to say, “dad, how ridiculous is this??!!”
I think the problem is that people are treating kid’s exploration when they’re little as if it’s going to shape their beliefs someday. Either side of this argument is too consumed with the future so they take what their child is doing too serious. It may not be popular to say it but I don’t think it’s a big deal for my son to put on a dress here and there. He’s not taking on the identity of a girl or a woman. He’s wearing clothing. I wouldn’t put on a dress “in support” of my sons decisions simply because he isn’t making any decisions. HE’S A CHILD! He’s playing, or exploring, or goofing off.
Why don’t we all just settle down, I think our kids would benefit a lot from that.