The 12 Day’s of Christmas…Dad Version
You can’t turn on the radio or walk through the mall without hearing some ‘new’ version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. I thought it’s about time we had a Dad Version. Unfortunately, I’m lyrically challenged and need some help.
So take a whack at a verses or two, and we’ll put them together…and then I’ll cut a music video featuring yours truly. Then with some luck some famous country music star (like BoxCar Willie) will get wind of it and include it on their Christams album next year.
OK, I’ll start.
On the first day of Christmas my children gave to me…
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“The Christmas Game” from the Familyman store.
…a cartridge of ammo for me
You’re off to a good start…I’ll aslo need lyrics for all TWELVE days.
Kisses, smiles and hugs abundantly
…a diaper that was very smelly.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, MY FAMILY gave to me —
-12 pairs of socks
-11 dirty diapers
-10 Hawaiian Shirts
-9 new puppies
-8 open doors (do we live in a barn?)
-7 crying children
-6 broken windows
-5 Minutes with Mom
-4 new ties
-3 flat tires
-2 clogged toilets, and
-A “You ‘da Dad” daily calendar
On the first day of Christmas my children gave to me…
12-Prayers for snow.
11-Trips for “light” seeing
10-“Are we there yet” cries
9-Visits to Walmart
8-TV specials
7-Christmas parties
6-Books to read to them
5-Tylenol
4-Runny noses
3-Stomach virus’s
2-Plates of 1/2 burnt cookies
1-And a “you da’ dad” shirt for my wife to sleep in.
12 Questions of Christmas:
12-How many days till Christmas?
11-When do we break from school?
10-Do we have to go to bed now?
9-Do I have to wear my shoes?
8-Can I have another treat?
7-Why do I have to wear a coat?
6-Do I have to take a shower?
5-Is it gonna snow?
4-Can we go to Walmart?
3-When are we gonna be there?
2-Can we watch one more TV special?
1-Do I really have to wear this Christmas sweater?
On the 12th day of Christmas my children gave to me…
12-tighty whities
11-found tools
10-tie racks
9-acts of dancing
8-hugs and kisses
7-Swanson dinners
6-pack of Pepto
5-broken things (to be fixed of course)
4-gift cards
3-french fries
2-turtlenecks
and a tie that’s as wide as can be!
I always thought this was the funniest version.
The Twelve Days After Christmas
(Frederick Silver)
(Not sung to the same tune as the other song!)
The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight.
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite.
Then, with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge,
That my true love, my true love gave to me.
The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves,
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup;
I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup.
The four calling birds were a big mistake,
For their language was obsence .
The five gold rings were completely fake
And they turned my fingers green.
The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn’t lay:
I gave the whole darn gaggle to the ASPCA.
On the seventh day what a mess I found:
All seven of the swimming swans had drowned,
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect,
I bundled up the . . .
Eight maids a-milking,
Nine pipers piping,
Ten ladies dancing,
‘Leven lords a-leaping,
Twelve drummers drumming
Well, actually I kept one of the maids a-milking
And sent them back collect.
I wrote my true love, “We are through, love”
And I said in so many words,
“Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds!”
(echo of “four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree.”
12 dirty socks
11 ugly sweaters
10 pots and pans
9 broken toys
8 cereal box tops
7 melting snowballs
6 picture books
5 cardboard rings
4 over-ripe pears
3 reams of paper
2 CD cases
and a papier-mache manger scene.
12 little hugs
11 simple questions
10 minutes of cleaning
9 friendly faces
8 popcorn balls
7 sugar cookies
6 friends coming over
5 strands of lights
4 christmas songs
3 family dinners
2 chocolate turtles
and a story ‘round the Christmas tree
Can you locate “The Old Maid’s Prayer” by Frederick Silver?
Thanks