You Might Be Red-Neck Dad If…
OK, Dad, let’s hear it.
You might be a red-neck dad if…
…You named MORE than one of your children Skeeter.
This Post Has 84 Comments
Leave a Reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
You make all your boys pee outside so they don’t overwhelm the septic system.
luckily I have only one child and his nickname is Skeeter..
You might be a red-neck dad if…
You remove the slide from the unused playset to mount it on the swimming pool…
http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv50/FreeEnterprise/IMG_0834.jpg
Hey, at least I put up a railing too…
….You have more than 1 John Deer / Lawnmower sitting around to get parts from.
…your kids can safely practice their driver’s training with the family car because it’s parked out back… and it’s up on blocks.
…if shoes are optional in the barnyard.
…if eyeglasses are optional when you can’t see.
You have a gun rack above your bed that looks like it is your headboard—true story.
Posted by a wife who would like the said gun rack REMOVED!!!
:o)
…if the answer to every question is “yup.”
…if your kid’s wedding reception meal is served from the same bag as yesterday’s fishing trip.
…90% of your kid’s toys are held together with duct tape.
You say you’re going noodeling for dinner and your children know you’re not talking about spaghetti.
we’ve had fly problems before. I took down our old chicken shed where many flies had been reproducing and that has helped. We han the fly strips but, no bug zapper.
you might be a red-neck dad if…
it doesn’t bother you anymore when your children run barefoot year round
…you think your kids not wearing shoes to the store is o.k. as long as you have them in a shopping cart, preferrably race car carts
If you have transported your dead deer on top of the family minivan 11 miles to the butcher with your daughter in the vehicle. You are a red-neck dad. Yes I have done it
…You tell your son to take the motor off of his go gart so you can get the grass cut.
…Your idea of a breath mint is swallowing your Kodiak dip spit.
You use duct tape instead of pins to fasten diapers.
…if you spell something wrong in Christmas Lights.
…Your kids pool is the bed of your old truck filled with rainwater.
If you use more than one roll of duct tape per month.
You go to the hardware store and leave the dog at home to watch the kids.
You buy your wife a portable canopy and two turkey burners so she can do her summer canning outside.
If you put up a tent in your dining room.
If you put up a tent in your dinning room and the kids want to camp in it.
…if you really do think that it’s called a toothbrush because of the number your kids have (wife, if you’re a hilljack redneck)
If the cap on your gas can is a small inserted screwdriver. Thanks Craftsman…you thought ahead on that one!
Maybe I should quit eavesdropping because you men scare me. LOL!!
If you recommend to your wife that she hang the wet laundry on the gutter to dry when her clothes line is broken.
If you use cinder blocks to prop up your kids beds.
…if your outdoor garbage can doubles as your luggage carrier (cleaning it before mounting it on the van roof is optional)
..if you have a whole section in your recipe book for dishes that use Yoo-Hoo as the primary ingredient.
You are a redneck dad if you only mow your lawn 5 times a year and you can use a different mower each time. My wife says: I’m a redneck dad because I think wearing black rubber boots and shorts is a fine fashion statement.
If you prop up your bed frame with books because the wooden side rails split – and then set it right back on books when you move the bed. Yeah, that one’s me.
If you think none of the other posts are strange.
you think that a checkbook is something you do at the library.
you remove all of those skin tags because you thought they were ticks, and you did not have your glasses on because it was your wife’s turn to wear them.
…if you’ve ever tuned your carburator in the church parking lot (I’ve done that one).
You kill a raccoon and the first thing that crosses your mind is how you can cut it up and make it into a homeschool science project
If you make your kids keep their mattresses on the floor so that things don’t get lost under the bed.
You have more appliances on the lawn or porch than in the house.
I am starting to wonder how many of you have done these things! Thanks for the laughs!
If you kill wasps in your house with a pair of scissors (cut them in half).
Your yard is less than 100 square feet and you still use your John Deere riding mower to cut the grass
You repair everything from toys to household appliances and furniture with duct tape and zip ties.
What if you fence off your yard and turn the cows loose? I mow no more.Just need to watch where you send the kids to play
You try to convenience your 8 1/2 months pregnant wife
that bolting a baby seat in the back area of your 2 seat car would work just as well as having a 4 seat car and putting locking it in place with a seat belt. True story but never actually done. (posted by the wife)
all you children know how to pluck chicken feathers
I have a one of those pools that have a blow up ring around the top of it.For the past few summers I have had to use my air compressor to keep the air in the ring that goes around the pool. Inaddition, all the pump hoses have holes in them and I use duct tape on them to keep the leaks to a minimum. I guss that ias better than digging a big hole and filling it with water.
If you let your dogs eat the food that falls on the floor so don’t have to mop.
If you use your croupy coughing kid in place of a coon dog. Yep Buddy of mine brought his sick son on a hunting trip….treed 3 coons.
…you have to disassemble your “entertainment center” because you need to use the step ladder
…if taking your wife on a date involves going to any event that ends with “Race”, “Rally”, or “Mania”.
…if you send your toddler outside to play in nothing but a diaper.
If you are tired of taking care of the swimming pool so you just stock it with bass, and let your in-laws fish right there in the back yard.
..if your riding mower has more coats of wax….. and more horsepower than the family minivan.
….you think its sooooo cool when your 3 year old son uses a clothes pin to attach an empty cat food back to the back of his underpants and drags it around the yard calling himself the “super duty” and the bag his trailer!!
…you’ve made a shopping list that included grits and duct tape as the first two items.
Your kids like imitating your “hillbilly” talk, like “Hey y’all watch this.”
if your wife had to help you out of your pickup after you flipped it in your own driveway..true story.
You use the piers that washed ashore in a recent flood to build your kids a treehouse. (Hey, free treated lumber!)
The duct-tape crowd may also enjoy some of the “solutions” on this site: <a href=“http://ThereIFixedIt.com“target=”_blank”>http://ThereIFixedIt.com</a>.
…if you think it’s funny that your son can belch the alphabet.
….you have ever roasted marshmallows with a pocket knife, screwdriver, or oil dipstick…sad, but true 🙂
You might be a redneck if people keep assuming you must be having a yard sale.
If on date nite with your wife(if your fortunate enough to get to have a date nite!) you buy a smoothie( I like stawberry mango bannana) and go parking… in your back yard.
If you find yourself helping your pregnant wife out of your broken down car… and on down the slanted tow truck ramp where the whole family was transported to a gas station (still in car) down the freeway. Oh, and it was her birthday.
IF YOU’VE EVER TAKEN A SHOWER IN A RAINSTORM BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WATER IN THE HOUSE. (IT TAKES FOREVER TO RINSE THE SOAP SUDS OFF.)
1. You light your fireworks with a blow torch.
2. Your front porch seating consists of the very back seat from your Dodge one ton extended 15+ passenger former church van (and is currently your family’s primary vehicle).
3. You bring rooster to church to use as as children’s church sermon illustration, and then, infront of your children’s church, cut a hole in a diaper and put it on the rooster because your afraid it might poop on you.
….if your SINGLE BLADE pocketknife is your multi-tool: fork, knife, screwdriver, toothpick, ax and hammer all in one.
. . .you ever hit a deer and totaled the 15 passenger van while on vacation AND then took said deer (in your brother-in law’s truck—van was towed of course) to your sister-in-law’s house to butcher it AND then froze it to haul it all the way from Arkansas back home to Indiana to fill the deep freeze with enough meat for a few meals. (sadly true)
If you got your 5 year old a 4 wheeler for his or her birthday.
..If your “honey do” list involves fixing the appliances on the front porch, and you have more of them on your front porch than in your home…
…If you’re reading this list and most of it seems practical instead of funny
After reading thru this list I’m starting to wonder how I ended up being born in California. Might have to move….
You have more bicycles and bike parts in your yard then people in your house to ride (or fix) them (and I’ve got five children).
We mow the yard with goats, but I must not be quite a “red-neck” yet, because I still kinda worry about what the UPS guy thinks about the “droppings” on the porch. Very eco-friendly, though, with free fertilizer!
… if you’ve read any of these and thought “Hmmm… that gives me an idea!”
(ei, old truck bed lined with worn out pool (w/ inflatable ring) for duck pond)
if your retirement program involves counting on your wife working longer than you do.
…if the kids get as excited about a tick check as they do about ice cream
if you use a $1500 memory foam mattress set as your archery target.
if you pick up a roadkill mink on the way home from the thanksgiving day church service becuase its worth 10 bucks if you skin it
If the dog kennel is made of wood pallets…and doubles as the clubhouse.
If you are mowing the lawn and find a car
If all the above are true and you use a wind tunnel fan for outdoor airconditioning and guess what you might really be.
….if your son’s name is Dale, Jr. and your name isn’t Dale.
You use a propane torch to kill flies at a family BBQ. (It works)