Ann Landers Meets Her Match
Trying to bring order and harmony to the Wilson home, I decided it was time to consult Ann Landers about the problem. Here is her answer:
If you open it, close it.
If you turn it on, turn it off.
If you unlock it, lock it up.
If you break it, admit it.
If you can’t fix it, call someone who can.
If you borrow it, return it.
If you value it, take care of it.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
If you move it, put it back.
If it belongs to someone else, get permission to use it.
If you don’t know how to operate it, leave it alone.
NOT Bad…but not want I wanted, so I decided to wite my own. So here is the Familyman List deisgned to bring order to your home:
If it looks like you could break it, cut it, or rip it, don’t TRY to break it, cut it, or rip it.
If it’s shiny, don’t touch it.
If it’s growing in the yard, don’t cut it down.
If the family room floor is cover in toys, don’t bring out more.
Throwing a wrapper on the floor is not the same as throwing it in the trash.
If you’ve eaten the last waffle, Pop-tart, or slice of bread don’t put the box or wrapper back in the pantry…don’t leave it on the counter…don’t drop it in the floor…go crazy, and throw it away!!!!
If it needs a key to start it, open it, or use it, back away from it slowly.
If the game has more than two pieces, don’t play with it.
Just because MY computer has a keyboard doesn’t mean you should touch it.
When in doubt…go to your room.
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These are great. I am learning to love the mess/insanity as well. If you can’t beat’em…join’em! It’s a daily battle but it can be done.
This is hysterical! And totally our house!
Awesome list(s) and great “Were-pigs” weekly newsletter, Todd! When I’m feeling crazy about all the stuff in our lives and my inability to keep the universe in perfect order, I think about the lyrics from the Steven Curtis Chapman song “Signs of Life.” Check them out at http://www.mp3lyrics.org/s/steven-curtis-chapman/signs-of-life. One example:
– Now, I’ve got crayons rolling around in the floorboard of my car
– Bicycles all over my driveway, bats and balls all over my yard
– And there’s a plastic man from outer space sitting in my chair
-The signs of life are everywhere.
I choose signs of life over the perfect white picket fence! Of course, I don’t have a choice…that’s the only option I have to maintain my sanity! Ha!
From a mom who now has that clean house – stop what you are doing right now, get down in the mess with your children and play with them!
Perfect.
I would like to add- never, under any circumstances, wash or flush any items normally not meant to be in the toilet!
I must have left the webcam on and you peered into MY home!
Press on dads!
From a father of five girls (and husband):
If it cries, stop whatever you’re doing, pick it up, hug it and hold it for a while.
it’s so good to know I’m not alone!
u are right on. I was just looking the other day in our yard and was thinking of how bad it was, covered in toys, bicycle ramps, and some of our “best” dishes. I know one day it will all be gone, then I will be sad. Hey, keep up the good work and I always look forward to your e-mail.(my wife sends them to me) thanks again i needed this!!!!
This is SO our house, especially the “if it’s growing…”, our 7 y/0 loves growing things but seems to think anything in the backyard should be able to be taken apart, living or not!
“If the game has more than two pieces…”
WOW – I shoulda thought of that one! Now, we’ve got those plastic gold Shekels scattered all over our house!!!
I love it! You described my yard in your weekly email! I actually told my kids last week that the front yard is mine and the back yard is theirs. Don’t dig in it, or do any “gardening” without supervision. There are PLENTY of places out back. It kinda worked — they hadn’t inflicted too much damage out front when I got home yesterday! LOL I may post your list for my kids to see and read every day!
I can completely relate. When the snow melted, what didn’t get picked up last fall reappeared and is now being added to.
this is so funny where do you come up with this!
My husband added: If it bites, leave it alone.
and: If it’s dead, don’t touch it.
🙂