Top 10 Ways to get rid of raccoons in your attic
- Learn to play the flute and start walking down the road (it worked in Ireland)
- Don’t get rid of them – learn to co-habitate with all living things.
- Grab the little rascals by the scruff of the neck and teach the kids proper ‘coon punting techniques (this one may not go over too well with the animal lovers in the house) (also make sure someone gets it on film – AFV loves this stuff).
- Sprinkle the yard with Alpo and make a trail to the neighbor’s house.
- Dress up in a raccoon suit and do the raccoon mating ritual in the front yard (another great video opportunity).
- Sign the house over to them and move the family to the tree fort.
- Get a pet bear.
- Insult them and their entire family of varmints until they get disgusted and leave on their own.
- Watch the Three Stooges 24/7 and laugh hysterically until the critters roll their eyes right out of their sockets (they’re very much like women in this respect).
- Hire a professional to do a Rac-endectomy.
Top 10 Correspondent Jim Cessna
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You obviously do not have a raccoon in your attic.
Great sense of humor about the raccoon in the attic. We ended up doing #10 as well, but ‘til they were gone, we thought about the other 9.
I just decided to feed the darn thing, but it live’s outside thank goodness. Since I stoppped feeding him, my trash cans stand all the time!