How Cold Is It?

50 degrees outside
* New York tenants turn on the heat
* Minnesotans plant gardens

40 degrees outside

* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Minnesotans sunbathe

35 degrees outside
* Italian cars don’t start

32 degrees outside
* Distilled water freezes

30 degrees outside
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation to Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Minnesotans eat ice cream

25 degrees outside
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

20 degrees outside
* Cleveland water freezes

* San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

15 degrees outside
* You plan a vacation to CANCUN!!!!!
* Minnesotans go swimming

10 degrees outside
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going

0 degrees outside
* New York landlords turn on the heat

-5 degrees outside
* You can hear your breath
* You plan a vacation to Hawaii

-10 degrees outside
* American cars don’t start
* Too cold to skate

-15 degrees outside
* You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* Miamians cease to exist
* Minnesotans lick flagpoles

-20 degrees outside
* Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* People in Minnesota think about taking down screens

-25 degrees outside
* Too cold to kiss
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going
* Minnesota Twins head for spring training

-30 degrees outside
* You plan a two-week hot bath
* Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

-38 degrees outside
* Mercury freezes
* Too cold to think
* Minnesotans button top button

-40 degrees outside
* Californians disappear
* Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Minnesotans put on sweaters

-50 degrees outside
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window
* Green Bay Packers practice indoors

-60 degrees outside
* Walruses abandon Aleutians
* Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
* Boy Scouts in Eau Claire, MN start Klondike Derby

-70 degrees outside
* Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets

-80 degrees outside
* Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
* Girl Scouts in Minnesota begin selling cookies door to door

-90 degrees outside

* Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer

-100 degrees outside
* Santa Claus abandons North Pole
* Minnesotans pull down earflaps

-173 degrees outside
* Ethyl alcohol freezes
* The University of Minnesota closes

-452 degrees outside
* Helium becomes a liquid

-456 degrees outside
* Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90

-460 (Absolute Zero) degrees outside
* All atomic motion ceases
* Minnesotans start saying, “Cold enough for yuh?”