Marbles Matter
Hey Dad,
I’m not a math guy. I don’t do well with fractions, quadratic equations, or pi. I’m OK with counting, but that about does it.
But, here I am writing to you about math and fathering. Definitely, a Familyman first. In fact, I’ve been pondering math all week. It all started as I was tooling down the road listening to the radio.
The smooth voice on the other end explained how he was going to place a marble in a jar for every Saturday he had left of his expected life span.
Since he was over fifty…it wasn’t a lot. Then, he was going to throw away one marble as each Saturday passed to remind him that his time was running out.
I’ve been thinking about marbles and math ever since. Let’s apply this marble principle to fathering. Say we got a big jar and placed a marble in it for every Saturday of our child’s growing up years (18 years or 900 marbles).
So if you have an 11-year-old (like I do), you have about 350 marbles left in the jar. You with me? 18 minus 11 equals 7, times 50, equals 350. In the case of my son, Ben, the jar is well over half-empty.
Only 350 Saturdays are left to spend with him. That sounds like a lot, but it isn’t. And if you have a 15-year-old, you’re down to 150 marbles.
The thing about marbles is that you can only use them once. If you waste one by playing golf with the guys, being away on business, or spending it doing your own thing, it’s gone.
Right now, I’m holding a marble in my hand; it’s this Saturday’s marble. It holds a lot of promise. My kids long for this coming marble…I mean Saturday. They’re hoping for a backyard campout…but I might be too tired or the timing might not be good.
That’s the thing about marbles. We dads hold them in our hand. We decide what we’ll do with them, how we’ll use them, and then when we’re done; we reach in the jar and toss them away.
That’s why I work so hard to remind you of what’s most important, because it all boils down to a jar full of marbles. I’ve set a jar of
marbles on my desk to remind me that marbles matter. THIS Saturday matters.
Dad, let me encourage you to do a little math, and count how many marbles you have left with your child. And then make this “marble” a good one.
You ‘da Dad!
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I have a daughter that is 17 going away to college next year and seem that time is flying by so fast. We are always butting heads. We are so much alike and she like to speak her mind. I keep losing my tempure and saying very hurtful things to her that are so hard to take back. I have been in three car accidents and i“m on so many pain killers that I never know one day from the next how I will react to what she says and does. I do know that I love her more that life its self. I have said I’m sorry so many times she says it hard to beleave me anymore. I pray to my Lord and savior that he will help me to find the right words to let her know how much she means to me and help us to repair our realsionship.
If anyone has had these trial please let me know what you think i should do to restore our lives together. She will not even speak to me right now. I gave her a card saying that she is so important to me and I love her with all of my heart. Please pray for me and my daughter Brittany Nicole. She is the light of my life I just wishes I would stop hurting her. Thanks and God Bless Your Brother in Christ Tim Miller
Just keep praying. I know from experience that it is hard to fix years of mess-ups. But also never stop trying to make her a priority in your life
I am the dad of a 9, 6, 2 year old. The concept of half my marbles being gone with my son was very sobering. My first thought was to grieve over past wasted marbles, but that would just be paralyzing. In case you dads feel guilty over wasted marbles like me, may I offer a piece of advice. Confess to the Father, forget about it and vow to do better with the ones you have left.
Tim:
It has been a while sense you wrote about Brittany Nicole so I thought I would see how you were doing? I know that I have had similar struggles with my daughter, she is 16. I have moved the family so many times for my job I often wonder how much that has affected her. Then on top of the moves I have traveled so much. It has been hard to not react when she has an attitude, ooh does that get me fired up, disrepsect to me, her mom and others. We have definatly had our battles. Tim are you praying with Brittany Nicole. I know that when I have prayed with my daughter it sure calms my spirit.
A brother who struggles as well
Hello, Tim
I hope you men don’t mind that I am a female. I found this sight by chance. I feel that I can give Tim some advice, since my dad and I had the same type of relationship. I was my dads sidekick. I remember watching him work on his car one day and he asked for a wrench. I gave him a rachette. I didn’t know one tool from the next. He was aggrivated and called me a dumb A—! I was so hurt. This type of abuse happened often. I grew up with low self esteem. I love my dad and have forgiven him. I know if he had known how it would effect me he would have choosen his words more wisely. I have caught myself doing the same thing to my daughter who knows how to push my buttons. I have asked God to put a watch over my mouth, and help me to say things to my daughter that will lift her up and bless her, not curse her. I make it a point everyday to say something nice to her, that will build her self esteem. I always tell her how beautiful and smart she is. But I stress for her not to get a big head. Pretty is also from within, and she is beautiful inside and out.
Great post. Thanks for sharing.
I think that it’s great to spend “marbles” on backyard camp-outs. I just wanted to say that a marble can be as well spent if we are doing very normal things, even things that don’t seem at first like they’re fun.
My kids are 18 and 21 now. We spent most Saturdays doing chores together. Cleaning the house, working in the yard, getting needed stuff from the stores. A nice dinner together, or just a pizza, and often nothing more fancy at night than watching a video together. There’s time for laughs and smiles together even when you’re working at something or just hanging out.
But making time for special events (to me, a backyard camp-out would be special) is also good. To my way of thinking though, life is usually made of very simple strands, and the normal routine of life can be a perfectly wonderful way to spend a marble.
Being deployed makes me distinctly aware of how many marbles I’m missing out on. Great visualization. I’m going to use this to maintain my focus when I get back and forget how precious each marble is.
I had to mention this, and your website/books, on my blog:
http://notesofnoah.wordpress.com/2010/08/01/iron-sharpens-iron-proverbs-2717/
Thank you
I know you want to know how to deal with your situation but I wanted to tell you that perhaps you should try Celebrex for a little while to clear your head. My dad uses it for his crushed vertebre and it really has helped him. Sorry this isn’t quite on topic.
I don’t know when you wrote this undated blog entry, so I wasn’t sure if it would be relevant to me. It was. thank you.