Mar 07 2013
1. You’re so sick of the cold you won’t even go near the refrigerator 2. Word association game: Cold – Hot Elephant – Beach Al-Qaeda – Sunshine Bacteria – Tan Stapler – Warmth 3. You wear a Speedo and sunglasses to shovel the snow from the driveway 4. You send a hate letter to Punxsutawney …
Feb 27 2013
1. You’re wife texts you to bring home a case of Lysol on the way home from work 2. You’re house smells like the inside of a stomach 3. As you tip-toe to the bathroom in the middle of the night you step on something ‘squishy’ 4. You have nowhere to throw a piece of …
Feb 07 2013
1. Tattoo “Be My Valentine’ on your tongue 2. Front row seats at a Monster Truck Rally 3. Coupon for a free septic tank cleaning 4. Instead of having a star named after your wife…name the mole on your foot after her. 5. 49 cent tacos at Taco Bell’s – Taco Thursday 6. Draw a …
Jan 23 2013
10. It’s so cold… the hot fudge freezes before it hits the ice cream 9. It’s so cold… Canada geese are all saying “Hey hoser, it’s cold… eh?” 8. It’s so cold… we’re leaving the fridge door open to warm up the house 7. It’s so cold… my trick knee just bought stock in wool …
Jan 04 2013
1. To cry more 2. To let our teenager daughter stay out later 3. To spend more time at Chuck E. Cheese 4. To wear the color puce more often 5. To ask directions when we’re lost 6. To watch all the versions of Pride and Prejudice 7. To use more smiley faces at the …
Dec 18 2012
1. Bobbing for hedgehogs (United Kingdom) 2. Decorating the Christmas python (Africa) 3. Icing Vegemite holiday cookies (Australia) 4. Sea turtle tipping (Hawaii) 5. Replacing the roof on your house (Florida) 6. Sweating (Thailand) 7. Hanging lights and tinsel on your Humvee (Iraq) 8. Shooting beer cans off of your buddy’s head (Montana) 9. Deep-frying a turkey …
Dec 14 2012
(…that is, Dads don’t want to receive these…EVER!!) 1. Skinny jeans 2. Tickets to the Ballet 3. Membership to the sorbet of the month club 4. Holiday oven mitts 5. A Justine Bieber bobble head 6. Any tie that looks like an animal, fish, or crustacean 7. A T-shirt with the caption “Ask me how …
Dec 07 2012
1. Here, why don’t you sit on this side of the table so I can see the TV. 2. I’d like to know what the fat grams are on what YOU just ordered. 3. Would you believe this is the same place I brought my old girl fiend on our very first date? 4. How …
Dec 03 2012
1. Your kids ask, “When do we get to decorate the ugly thing in the corner?” 2. The only place in the house that hides all the bald spots is the closet. 3. Someone puts a sign on the tree. This wasn’t hit with an ugly stick…It IS the ugly stick. 4. Even your cat …
Dec 01 2012
1. You not only deck the halls but also the first person who wishes you a Merry Christmas! 2. You’d rather listen to Send in the Clowns than It‘s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas. 3. You develop a rash when you brush up against tinsel. 4. The visions of sugar plums have been …
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